Why I Stopped Expecting Men To Be Exclusive, By Anonymous Woman
Society has a way of placing these cookie-cutter rules on relationships that are so unrealistic that failure is almost certain. And the crazy part is the vast majority of us enter relationships with these same unrealistic expectations that monogamy is the “norm” when in fact, it’s evident that cheating is actually more common than monogamy. Studies show that over 75 to 80% of men have cheated at least once during their relationships and over 50% of women. So, why are we pretending it’s not happening? I’ll tell you why, because people can’t be their true and genuine selves in their relationship.
I learned these lessons during my 25yr relationship. I was loyal to a fault and my partner was the exact opposite! I was playing by the rules of the devoted wifey and he was, well, “doing him!” He demonstrated his genuine self through his actions while lying to me based on who he thought I needed him to be. Which led to distrust, hurt and disappointment. In the beginning, our relationship was built on what I consider “normal” societal rules of monogamy, i.e. you can only be with me…look but you can’t touch. We’re cool with watching porn together, or he could do it alone, and the most important rule of all, no side chicks or side babies. Ladies, you know the basic rules we usually place on men. If you love me, you won’t want anyone else and neither will I…welp!
First, he broke every rule, even rules I didn’t even know needed to be a rule! He had many side chicks throughout our relationship, which he lied about! And he had 2 side babies and was addicted to porn! And I haven’t even gotten to the good part! Fast forward 10 years, after countless heartaches, pain, and disappointment I had an ah-ha moment. I thought to myself, in my next relationship the only thing I’ll ask for is 100% unfiltered, unapologetic honesty!
I had to take a hard look in the mirror and own my part. It took a lot of self-healing to come to such accountability as well as an understanding as to why I had such unrealistic expectations of this man who demonstrated nothing in his character but the opposite! I had to accept that no matter how much he lied and denied his truth, he stayed 100% consistent and committed to staying true to his reality, his genuine true self. He was a man who needed multiple women to feel complete or to fill a void, or maybe to just be himself. Either way, none of his truth had anything to do with me. My truth was that I needed him to be someone he could not or would not ever be, and the reality of that hit me like a ton of bricks.
No matter what rules we place on others the only person we can truly be accountable to is ourselves! My accountability was to my boundaries and lack thereof. His accountability was to live his truth with as many women as he wanted. At the end of the day, we just weren’t compatible. We were two totally different people with unrealistic expectations of one another struggling to make a puzzle fit together with pieces from entirely different boxes!
I understand that this kind of open lifestyle is not for everyone but whether you accept it or not, chances are you’ll wind up in the arms of a man who isn’t going to give you honesty, and without honesty, there is no true respect. Not to mention you will be taken out of the decision-making process of which women are included and excluded.
Stop claiming to love “unconditionally” while putting all kinds of conditions on your man. If you can’t accept the person you “love” exactly as they come, then you need to leave them exactly where they are. Allow them to be with someone who will appreciate them for being true to themselves. So, stop trying to control adults and start investing that same effort in seeking ways to become more emotionally sophisticated, more open-minded, and less controlling. That’s when you’ll discover a love that’s more fulfilling, more secure and a helluva lot more fun!
By Anonymous Woman
Check out my new website MingleCity.com and join The Michael Baisden Travel Club. Read updated news articles, watch live streaming content, and keep you up to date on what’s going on!
And go to Amazon and read one of my 7 books, Woman Up! is my latest but God’s Gift To Woman is my favorite. Make sure to purchase the Collectors Editions or Special Editions of my novels. (Those versions have the updates) amzn.to/2xdqEQp