Some men are masters of deception. They rent expensive cars, wear fake jewelry and apply make-up to their fingers to conceal the tan marks from their wedding band. But most of all, they lie their asses off. Some of them lie so much they actually believe their lies are the truth. They can look a woman dead in her eyes with a straight face and create convincing stories out of thin air. But the most effective liars are the fantasy peddlers. They don’t date; they analyze and probe for whatever quality is lacking in a woman’s life and then morph into that character. If the woman says she wants to be married, he changes into a man desperate to settle down. If she says she is adamant about not sharing her man, he pretends to be the most monogamous man on earth. He is the consummate transformer.
But let’s be honest, men who cheat aren’t suave and debonair like James Bond and Denzel Washington; most cheaters are down right sloppy and arrogant. It’s gotten to the point where men have so little respect for women they come right out and admit they are married or have a girlfriend. And if the woman is desperate, lonely, or horny enough, it won’t take long to go from dating, to sex, to falling in love, to emptying her bank account if that’s his objective.
As women see their options diminish, hope begins to fade on ever finding a compatible partner. Some women approach being single philosophically and decide the universe simply hasn’t lined up properly for their ideal mate to reveal himself, or they accept that it’s not in God’s time. Others look at being single as an opportunity to take a break from men altogether and practice celibacy, while others throw up their hands and join the ranks of the ‘Other Woman Club’. The most desperate act of all is when a woman becomes so frustrated that she begins to experiment with same sex relationships knowing damn well she isn’t gay or bisexual. Eventually the majority of them will get bored with their alternative lifestyles and jump back into the dating scene looking for the perfect man to date, marry, or at least have sex with. And if they can’t find the perfect match they’ll settle for one with ‘potential’ and attempt to create their ideal.
I like to refer to this as the Fix a Dude Syndrome. That’s when women date men who they know don’t measure up to their standards but they try to talk themselves into being with him by focusing on one good quality. “I’m not really attracted to him but he has a good job,” they tell themselves. Or “He sucks in bed but he’s great with the kids.” Gimme a break ladies, it’s hard enough to maintain a relationship with the perfect man but settling for a guy who doesn’t stimulate you mentally or sexually is a recipe for disaster.
While I can appreciate the nurturing nature of women in trying to see the best in a man, not everything that’s broken can be fixed, especially a broken man. But the need to be loved or to have a warm body next to you in bed can be a powerful thing. Even when it’s obvious that a man is no good for a woman, she often continues to give him her time and her heart. She ignores her friends and her gut feeling that’s screaming: “Don’t do it girl!” and presses forward determined to make it work, and most importantly, to make him over. What could go wrong?
By Michael Baisden
Except from the book, Woman Up!
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