Do You Have Room For A Relationship?
I have a confession; I’m a neat freak. My refrigerator is impeccably organized with fruits and vegetables in the bottom produce drawer—apples, lettuce and spinach in the middle, and onions, tomatoes, and peppers always go in the top drawer.
And when it comes to my closet I’m even more particular. All my dress shirts are placed on the left side, casual shirts and jeans on the right, and suits in the center. And all the pants must be hung belt side to the left and the hangers must be turned in the same direction. That’s just how I roll!
I know this sounds a bit OCD and maybe it is, but here’s my point, the principles of attracting and maintaining quality relationships is no different than organizing your fridge and closet. You have to take inventory of what you have in order to know what you need.
The decision to invite someone into your life should begin with making sure you have space. I mean that literally. If you’re dating and having sex with men who aren’t defined, you’re taking up space, meaning, if they aren’t boyfriends and there are no plans to move towards anything significant, then how do you know what you’re shopping for when you meet someone new? That’s like being in a dating Twilight Zone.
I don’t know about you, but when I go shopping, whether it’s at the grocery store or the mall, I have a mental list of everything I need. And since my closet and refrigerator are organized, I can see what’s half full and what needs to be replaced.
In other words, I only shop for essentials. You should have the same attitude towards dating. But how can you do that when you’re involved with people who have no clear purpose, no clear definition and no clear intention. They can drop in or out of your life at any time. I label them as miscellaneous dates.
These are the people we allow to clutter up our lives and block anything significant from coming in. Good men who are looking for a real relationship do all the right things only to have the situation blow up in their faces. And it’s not their lack of honesty, fear of commitment, or financial situation. Sometimes women are not ready for the relationship they claim to want so badly.
A house is not a home until everything fits into it perfectly. The same principle applies if you’re serious about attracting and maintaining healthy relationships. Too often woman meet good men and wonder why it didn’t work out.
The truth is they don’t fit into your life because you have too much junk in it. You have too many friends, too much work, too many unresolved issues, too many sex partners, and too much hostility towards your ex. Being emotionally available is just as important as showing up for the date on time. You’re either there or you’re not. There can be no half-stepping.
Having space also means literally—having space in your closet, in your refrigerator, and in your bed. Hell, some of you don’t have enough drawer space for a man to leave a pair of draws. Making space for someone to love shouldn’t happen after you meet, it should happen before. So, start clearing out your old stuff in your closet, old friends on social media, old contacts on your mobile phone, people in general who don’t enhance you, and exes who are blocking you emotionally and sexually…anything that is inconsistent with your goals.