Can Your Mouth Destroy A Good Relationship?
To have influence is a huge responsibility whether it’s on national radio, as a parent, or in a relationship. Words matter. If you think about it, the most influential people in our lives are those who have said something that made us think or take action—whether it’s your pastor, Oprah, Martin Luther King Jr., a teacher, or a stranger who gives you a compliment or offers good advice.
We may not remember exactly what they said, but we always remember how those words make us feel. Now imagine the impact of the words coming from the person you date, or love, or live with every single day. Imagine the impact of those words over the course of months, years, and even decades.
If those words are uplifting and inspiring, it could change the course of someone’s life, but if your partner talks down to you in a way that is disrespectful or makes you feel unimportant, it can destroy your self-esteem and end your relationship.
And while men are just as guilty as women, it is the woman who uses this weapon with more frequency and who is less likely to realize it or admit she’s doing it. Allow me to explain.
Men typically have more financial power in a relationship as well as being more physically dominant. Oftentimes a woman feels that her only tool to gain respect or to be heard is to attack her partner with her mouth. Nagging is just a form of frustrated communication.
If a woman has been brought up in a household where she witnessed her mother speaking that way to her father or other men then it is likely that she will repeat that same behavior.
And it’s not just a matter of what a woman says, but how she says it. Yes, words have power, but the wrong tone can just as quickly send a man packing. It’s no different than when a child responds to you affirmatively but does it in a disrespectful tone.
For example, if you tell your child to take out the garbage and they reply, “Ok”, but they say, “Ok” in a way that sounds like you’re getting on their nerves, they’re liable to get a shoe thrown at their head. It’s like they’re saying, “Whatever!” Right?
The same principle applies when a man is trying to communicate his point to his partner and she increases the level of her voice when she responds. In his mind, that’s disrespectful.
And now the man, who is raised and biologically designed to compete… and to win, will raise his tone to prove he’s “The Man!” Once it becomes a competition the woman ceases to be female and is instantly transformed into a male combatant who is attempting to steal his manhood, and no real man is going to allow that to happen.
Before you know it they’re both shouting and nothing is getting resolved. And if there’s enough stress built up, verbal assaults can escalate into physical confrontations. Without good communication, your relationship is doomed. I don’t care how much you love your partner.
~ Michael Baisden