Being Desperate For A Man Can Cost You…In Painful Ways
I’m telling my story in the hopes it will help another woman from going through the hell I went through. They say that God never gives you more than you can bear but I’m beginning to question that theory because no one should have to suffer the way I did just for loving someone.
But I guess that’s how most women are, we buy into this fantasy that all we need is love and we can pray for the strength to get through the rest. But what we should be praying for is the common sense to make the right decision.
Five years I prayed for a man to come into my life who would accept me and my daughter and one day while I was at a weekend film festival, Gary came along. When I first saw him, I wasn’t too interested but as the night went on, I warmed up to him. He had a great sense of humor and that’s one of the traps we have to be careful of. A man will have you laughing all the way to the bank.
Anyway, he was all the things I asked for on my little wish list: just the right height, muscular, light brown eyes, and he was romantic. We exchanged numbers, and a few weeks later he flew into Houston, where I was living at the time. He lived in Los Angeles.
The first time was very cordial; we had dinner in the Galleria area and caught a movie, and later we had drinks, all his treat. I was impressed. But what I didn’t realize until later is that his investment in this trip was all a setup.
He flew in another three times, all expenses on him. The last time I allowed him to stay in one of my spare bedrooms because my daughter, who was 14, was staying at a girlfriend’s house for the weekend. We talked about having a future together and he talked a lot about his business ideas.
As time went on, I began noticing he would start dropping hints about needing investors for a film project he was working on. I didn’t think much of it at first since the short film he premiered at the festival had won a second-place award. I figured he was established, with all the wining and dining and jet-setting to and from LA. Again, it was all just a setup.
To make a long story short, after four months of dating he talked me into moving him in so he could save money on travel and could work on his film projects. I didn’t know it until the day he moved in that he wasn’t shipping a car or furniture. All he had were two large suitcases and a garment bag. But by then I was committed, and it only added to my delusion that all my girlfriends were crazy about him. That’s another trap, allowing yourself to be influenced by your horny, single girlfriends.
My married friends were telling me to slow down while my desperate single ones were encouraging me to step out on faith. As it turned out, it was more like stepping on the plank of a pirate ship.
Three months and $10,000 of my savings later, there were still no film projects, not even a screenplay. That’s when I started going online and doing my research. Come to find out the film that won the award was written, produced and directed by someone else. The only credit this fool had was as the illustrator for the DVD jacket. I was livid.
I was going to throw him out but by then he had developed a close relationship with my friends, my neighbors and my daughter. He was real smooth, he knew just how to get in and stay in. And I probably would have kept falling for it if it weren’t for the one time I doubled back from work because I had left the portfolio for my presentation at home.
When I walked into the house, I could hear the television on in my bedroom, which was odd because Gary never watched TV in bed; he was always in the den where he could watch the larger flat screen. When I walked in, I couldn’t believe my eyes: The grown-ass 40-year-old man was buck-naked on top of my 14-year-old daughter. I screamed so loud I know the whole block must have heard me. I get sick to my stomach every time I think about it.
I pulled him off her and started beating both their asses with my fists. I know she was still a child, but she was old enough to know better. And as for Gary, the police are still searching for him to this day. Not surprisingly, I found out later that she wasn’t the first child he had molested, and I wasn’t the first sucker to fall for his game.
If there is a moral to this story, it’s not to confuse desperation with love. I was turning 40, lonely, a little overweight, and I wanted a man around to show me affection and protect my child and me. But instead, my low self-esteem attracted a criminal who took more from me than I can ever get back!
Visit the homepage of www.MingleCity.com and Join The Michael Baisden Travel Club. Go to Amazon.com and download one of my 7 books. My latest is, Woman Up! You Decide Your Life, What To Put Up With And When To Move On! My personal favorite is the ‘Fatal Attraction’ thriller, God’s Gift To Women. Make sure to purchase the Collectors Editions or Special Editions of my novels. Those versions have the updates.
Cheaters Aren’t Greedy, They’re Insecure! By Michael Baisden
There’s nothing worse than a liar because liars ruin marriages and destroy the self-esteem of the people they lie to. Women lie and cheat on men nearly as much as men lie and cheat on women. The difference is women rarely cheat when they respect their man and are happy.
While men, on the other hand, will lie and cheat because it’s Tuesday! The point being, most men don’t need motivation, it’s in our nature to pursue multiple women for sex. But it’s not in our nature to lie about it, that’s learned and it’s a symptom of a larger problem.
The truth is most men don’t have the intellect or resources to attract and maintain a relationship with a quality woman, so they create several relationships with women of a lower caliber to compensate. Or to be there to catch them when they bail out or sabotages the relationship. He’s not only immature but insecure. He wants to escape before he gets hurt, or before he is exposed!
At the root of all lies is insecurity. Men want to exercise their freedom to see other women but want to take away that same freedom from the woman. A real man will tell a woman straight up, “I desire other women, I’m going to continue to date and have sex with other women, and you can accept that and stay or keep it pushing!” Instead, he lies to keep her to himself. That’s insecurity, not greed!
This is why I advise women not to fall into the trap of arguing about monogamy but instead challenge men on the principle of fair play. Instead of threatening him to “Only want my Vagina, or else,” which doesn’t work anyway, remind him that two can play at that game.
Remember, ladies, you have options, too! Don’t you dare give them up until you’re sure he’s holding up his end of the bargain. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.
~ Michael Baisden
Go to Amazon.com and read my other 6 books. The latest is, Woman Up! Make sure to purchase the Collectors Editions or Special Editions of my novels. (Those versions have the updates)
Being Single Is Not A Disease, By Michael Baisden
The reaction of most men when they meet an attractive single woman is, “What’s wrong with you?” But my question is, why does something have to be wrong? Why is it so unbelievable that an attractive woman would choose not to be in a relationship? Maybe the reason she’s single is because there isn’t anything wrong with her.
People can be very toxic, and they bring a lot of baggage from previous partners. The fact that a person who has many options is not in a relationship speaks to his or her high self-esteem, not their lack of it. It’s easy to just jump into a situation with someone and start calling him or her your man or woman. But it takes discipline and knowing your self-worth that makes it easy to wait for someone who values you and uplifts you.
Roni C. wrote: I personally find that I am happiest single. My life is drama free. My bills are paid. I don’t need to check in with anyone. I’m not concerned with what anyone else is doing. I’m comfortable going to the movies alone or going out to eat alone. If I want, I can definitely date when I choose, so that is never a problem. I am just comfortable in my own skin. I’m just happy!
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Amen, Roni! That’s precisely the attitude every single man and woman should have. Most people have never taken themselves out on a dinner and movie date and enjoyed doing it! And that’s a shame. What you do demonstrates the love you have for your own company and for yourself. That attitude is precisely what attracts healthy people into your universe.
Besides, being in a relationship or marriage is not an indicator that a person is emotionally healthy or even happy. I hear more complaints from so-called happily married people than single people. That’s not an attack on marriage; I’m just stating my experience. It’s surprising that a woman would even have to defend being single, especially to other women, but women are often the ones applying the most pressure.
~ Michael Baisden
Excerpt from my book, Raise Your Hands if You Have Issues. Go to Amazon.com and read my other 6 books. The latest is, Woman Up! Make sure to purchase the Collectors Editions or Special Editions of my novels. (Those versions have the updates)
For relationship advice, podcasts, videos and to read more articles and excerpts from my books, visit www.MingleCity.com.