WHY CHILD SUPPORT IS CONSIDERED A DREADFUL THING FOR MEN?

I’ve asked this question several times in my head, I could not come up with a legitimate answer. I told my childs father “I put him on child support” and he just freaked out. Child support doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a horrible father, it’s just saying more has to be done on your part financially. If we can’t come to an agreement then I believe a third party has to step in and that third party should not be another relative.

Some men think if their put on child support their life is ruined, that’s not true. I’m a single mother and being a single mother you have to do everything with a smile on your face for child no matter how much it hurts you financially. For instead, health insurance, school, sports, lunch money, hair cuts, after school snacks, winter clothes, extra curriculum activities and the list goes on and on. Some men don’t take all that into consideration. Don’t get me wrong, I love to do these things for my baby, but if the father is in the picture then you should not have to call to ask him, are you sending anything this month? Can you buy this or that this month? You shouldn’t even have to ask questions like that, that’s not necessary.

Men don’t like to hear or mentioned the words “child support”. If you’re a terrific father then child support should not be an issue. Honestly what’s the big deal? You love your child, you respect you childs mother then, what’s wrong with doing for your child financially? Child support is not something mothers do to be malicious against the father. Child support is something mothers do to SUPPPORT THEIR CHILD. If you believe there’s no need for a third party to be involved, come to an agreement with the mother and fulfill that agreement monthly. If you’re having a problem one month communicate that with the mother, you can’t squeeze blood out of a turnip.

Please answer these questions. For all the wonderful fathers, do you think your son or daughter should have all the necessary things and more? Should there be a strain in your son or daughter house hold because someone did not fulfilled their part of the agreement? Should relatives be involved? And the last question an important question, would you put your dreams aside for a moment to make sure your son or daughter is happy emotionally?

I hope I didn’t rub anyone the wrong way because that was not my intention. I’m just trying to understand the stigma behind the words “child support”. Also, to get fathers to take certain things into consideration, like the things that were mentioned earlier, health insurance, school, extra curriculum activities etc... When a mother calls and asks for money it’s not that we want the money, your child needs the money. I’m not speaking on behalf of all mothers just my experience dealing with certain situations.

Thank you for reading what’s on my mind,

Love,

JustMary21

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Comment by T Money on June 20, 2009 at 4:54pm
All I have 2 say about child support is w/e a child needs I'd pay 4 it, but, not by giving the monies 2 the woman in her hand. We all know how that can go.
Comment by Renée on June 19, 2009 at 11:28pm
I totally understand where you are coming from. On the regular the Non-Custodial Parent believes that paying child support through the court system is a bad thing. Nonetheless, they don't often try to contribute on their own which is why it often ends up in court. Yeah, I know some men contribute on their own, and greedy women want more so they decide to take the guy to court. However, on the regular this is not the usual scenario.

I must say that in some cases women, and the legal system try to bare the brunt of the burden on the father which in my opinion is unfair. I know a woman who is a lazy bumb looking only for hand outs. She is a welfare queen; living in housing, receiving food stamps. Her only income is child support. The father put himself on support because he did not want to deal with her crazy antics. Well they both went on with their lives he met someone who he later married. The Friday before their wedding, baby mama calls child support to report daddy's marriage. In the state she lives in both step parent and biological parent's income is considered in order to determine support. Before they came back from Honeymoon the newlyweds received a notice to report income and an adjustment was immediately made. An income deduction was placed on the wife's income with her employer. This lazy trick is being supported by her baby's father and his wife. This is ridiculous. As the father he should have gained support of his daughter freeing the system of unlimited welfare abuse.
Comment by Justmary21 on June 19, 2009 at 7:06pm
I don't think the question was answered. Like I said "Child support doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a horrible father, If you’re a terrific father then child support should not be an issue. You love your child, you respect your childs mother then, what’s wrong with doing for your child financially? If you’re having a problem one month communicate that with the mother" I don't think that question was answered, "Why child support is considered a dreadful thing for men?" This isn't a BABY MOMMA DRAMA STORY, it's just some men think it's the end of the world when they hear the words child support.
Comment by GAIL on June 19, 2009 at 6:26pm
WOW, I must be loosing it, but this is the only time that what WC2c said that I agree on. She is absolutely correct. You as an adult have some soul searching to do. Why would you want to put someone (a child) in the position of not having both parents to raise and support it. To me unless you were married and the husband and you decided to get a divorce then I can understand. But if this is another one of thoes MY BABY DADDY stories, then I as a woman would have to want more for myself and my child. Im glad that you got your concerns off of your chest and I will say GOD bless you for at least having your child and not aborting. Take care.
Your sister in the struggle. PEACE
Comment by Pitt on June 19, 2009 at 6:16pm
Even though my daughter lived with me before she was 4 I payed child support till she was 4-voluntarily. I wouldn't have it any other way that way you're not only doing your part but everything is kopesthetic and kool with you and the state.

But to answer your questions

For all the wonderful fathers, do you think your son or daughter should have all the necessary things and more? A. absolutely

Should there be a strain in your son or daughter house hold because someone did not fulfilled their part of the agreement? A. No

Should relatives be involved? A. howso? not sure how to answer this as the question isnt clear

And the last question an important question, would you put your dreams aside for a moment to make sure your son or daughter is happy emotionally? A. I do every day of my life

Also i'd like to saty since i have had sole custody the last 9 years my daughters mom has never paid child support or offered one dime to support. she has borrowed money to get her and my daughter by when my daughter goes to her
Comment by Sasha on June 19, 2009 at 6:14pm
Well, this goes back to being careful in who you chose (as a man) to lie with. If you lay with a woman who’s incapable of handling issues responsibly and reasonably then you’ll have these issues if she becomes impregnated.

On the flip side of that coin, women have to be careful who they chose to father their children. Child support was put into play because some men refused to even be a part of their children’s life physically or financially. My sister for example has a child with a man who lives right around the corner from where she stays. And he won’t even take the time to stop by and see how his child is doing, much less purchase any thing she needs, and he passes by her house every day going too and coming from work. Then has the nerve to complain that he’s been forced by the courts to pay $98.00 a month in child support based on the last reported source of income he had when they where in court (right after he got out of jail). Now, he’s since then received new employment (making a lot more than he did before); but he’s now supporting his second girlfriend that he had a kid from (with one on the way from another girl he was messing around with). Now he’s paying for the second girls car note, rent and insurance while she refuses to work, and has her brother living with them sleeping on the couch. He’ll support two grown @$$ people who don’t wanna get a job, but brushes his daughter (my sisters child) off to the side because ‘she’s not a boy’.

Young men and grown men who have this mentality is the reason why child support was put into play within the family court systems in the first place. My sister was 18 when she had my niece, and she was one of those young women who thought she was in love and was going to get married. Things changed when my niece was born. There are too many women out here who can say their mothers but not wives, and they’re the ones being forced to raise their children on their own. I have female friends who’s children only get a phone call from their father on Christmas, Thanksgiving and on their birthdays. The only thing they know of their father is that he pays child support or the rent. Many of these men make themselves a “bankroll” when they refuse to play a role in the upbringing of their children. Regardless of what your differences are with the mother, both the parents should be able to set that aside for the betterment of the children stuck in the middle of their mess. But it doesn’t always happen that way. Less face it, it takes money to raise a child. And it’s very difficult for a single mother to do that all on her own.
Comment by Ray Anthony Williams Sr. on June 19, 2009 at 2:01pm
Well speaking as a man child support is not bad because I love my children and it does take both to raise them. I have not been their financially for my kid enough but I started paying child supoort in 2004 0r 2005 and in 2008 I was taken off child support because my son came to live with me when he was 15 and my daughter graduated from school. I hope that every man should step up and take care of their responsibilities because raising kids are hard.
Comment by Big_Emanon on June 19, 2009 at 1:42pm
I have a friend that told his babies mother that he will take care of what ever she needs whether it is diapers, formula, clothes, etc. He wanted to step up and be a father and not just a checkbook. Well, she wanted the Child support thinking she was going to get more money. So, they went to court and she ended up getting some extremely low sum. So what does she do, she get's full custody and doesn't let him see the kid as much as he wants out of spite. NOw this is one incidence, but I hear alot about how mothers are persecuting some brothers and putting them in "the system." That is exactly what it does, it put's more men in the judicial system and that is exactly what people don't want to happen. It is easier to just come to a financial agreement like a family (because that is what you have become when two people have a child) and do it civil. That is just my opinion anyway.


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