Teens and Low Self Esteem: Are you settling because of your weight, looks, or past abuse?

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Comment by Alonzo W. Wyatt Jr. on February 25, 2010 at 8:32pm

Everything is everything Michael. It is my belief Michael that a childs self esteem issues begin very early in their childhood. Most of the time it's parents who must and is mostly respondsible their not their inthe childs life every single minute of their young lives. If we as adults don't take responsibility for not giving our children the time they need with us and possitive figures in their lives, then this if will never be laid to rest. We as human beings have begun to be dependant on the things that seperate us as families and it's our children that end up suffering the most. Michael, my wife and I spend almost all our time with our children. Homework, reading, playing games, playing outside, involvement in school, involvement in school activities, making every parent teacher conference, Michael the list goes on. Micheal I and wife as well refuse to allow anything to come between our children and the values we instill in them. Any child that is in need of self asteem only need to look beyond the obvious things, and begin to look inside themselves and see the something even more beautiful than they emagine. Young people listen well at what I am telling you, no one is going to have a silver bullet and this going away so easy but you have more support than you know. We who care are here for you and we are reaching out to you, hangin there. Be true first to yourselves and the rest follow. Much Love to all of you PEACE.

Comment by Kevin DuPont on February 25, 2010 at 6:37pm

MB, don't fall for it...Any child or adult for that matter learns very early on how to manipulate to persuade people to believe their performance and lack of self-esteem is causing them troubles! Seriously, India Arie been crying about her dark skin and hair since she entered the grammy race at the same time as Alicia Keys...Then just because Alicia who had an incredible CD as well won all the awards. India decided to pull skin color card on Alicia and that was unfair. If you recall Alicia had serious troubles with public speaking, but she didn't let that hold her back. India is still crying the same song, while Alicia has learned to speak better! One has to learn to make the most of what works for them and the other stuff will come along. Monique is another one...she knew she was big, rather than demote her glands she promoted her funny...Teach this kids to promote what the qualities they have and they will be alright!

Comment by jenjen on February 25, 2010 at 3:42pm

As an educator, I converse with hundreds of teens on a daily basis. Obvious signs that a teen has self esteem issues are: personal appearance/hygiene, grades usually drop, fights, and moodiness. Listed below are some of the messages that I share with them, especially the teens who are poverty stricken or have self esteem issues (weight, looks, self worth, self acceptance) and who most likely are victims of cruelty by their peers.

1. In this life it doesn't matter where your journey begins. What does matter is what you choose to do with what you're given and your final destination.
2. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt
3. Your DNA scientifically makes you an individual, but your individuality is what makes you unique.
4. You are your most valuable asset.

Unfortunately, a lot of teenage girls battle inadequacy issues, acceptance, not having a male role model (father) to empower them with confidence, and based on a few discussions, being a black female (young lady) in America. So many of these teens have dealt with losing a parent to AIDS or violence. The majority come home to empty houses, shelters, or group homes. Some of them are so angry. They don't know how to express their pain or emotions. Many (teen girls) find solace through sex with multiple partners. It doesn't help when mom has multiple boyfriends or if dad has fathered children in every continent.

As a teen, my major concerns involved not having pimples on picture day and securing a top ten spot in my graduating class. Growing up in a non-major Metropolitian area versus Miami had more racial problems. Not being "black enough" for the black kids and not "white enough" for the white kids definitely took a toll. Being called mulatto, oreo, "white girl", etc. or constantly being asked, "What are you?" empowered me to appreciate the attention and not feel sad or hurt by the names or questioning. I tell teens to embrace their differences or qualities that they don't like about themselves. We either can change these things or on a daily basis, look in the mirror and affirm:"I am loved, gifted, and incredibly hot to whom it matters most, ME!"