Searching for love in all the wrong places

Seems to me that, for black women to be considered happy, they must secure a lifelong relationship to be considered "wanted". Do you, the women, realize who is pushing this agenda upon you? Other women! Who says that, if you don't have a man, you are less of a woman? Men don't say that. The media pushes it on you every single day. I know many women that are grounded, well rounded, intellectual, wonderful women. Yet, with all they have accomplished, they need to be validated by a relationship tears them apart inside, and forces them to overlook the many wonderful aspects of who she is.

What's my point? To hell with finding love-look for somebody you really like! What happened to liking someone? You have to start somewhere, start there. Just focus on looking at the people you like instead of going straight to the love part. Love is great if you have it, but how many people do you know have a man or woman, but aren't in love? Married forever, barely like each other? They had love, but still, after all these years of marriage, can't find anyone to like or to like them.

Fall in LIKE! Love takes time.

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Comment by Sasha on February 11, 2010 at 5:44pm
I have to agree with both statements. I see where WC2 is coming when she states that some men honestly could care less about getting to ‘like’ you much less know you. And I personally have experienced men come up to me and make it known within the first few second of meeting me (showing me the key to their hotel room) what their intentions was for me. And this is where a lot of women get caught up, because they’re so oblivious to most men’s intentions (looking for love) that they give in and give up the ‘cookie’ too fast and too soon. So we as women have to constantly be on guard and be careful of the company we keep. And in most cases, when you don’t give up the ‘cookie’ you don’t even make it to the ‘like’ stage, because you automatically become a waste of their time (they’re not getting what they want from you). In which I think that’s a good thing, because for me personally it weeds out all the idiots placed in my path, making way for the true gentlemen who’re willing accept the fact that I’m not giving it up anytime soon; and willing to make it to the ‘like’ stages and beyond.

Now, I agree with you in the case of women being miss lead (not just by other women but family as well) to believe that in order to be complete we must have a wedding band. The lessons in love and Iife I received from my father were as followed
A. Graduate from High school
B. Go to college
C. Obtain my degree
D. Become employed in a lucrative career
E. Get married
F. Buy a home
G. Have kids
H. Grow old and die
That was it! No going out and exploring myself like he advised my brothers. No travel and see the world, live life as I see fit and the rest will fall into place as my brothers was taught. It was keep your head in the books, get good grade, keep your legs and your mouth closed (because someone’s always watching), get married to one man and have children. The guidelines to life for my sister and I was the same as many of the guidelines given to many women who desire to get married and have kids. And it’s not that we need validation from anyone (we get plenty enough validations through our accomplishments) we just feel that our success in life will be completed with the good job, the house, husband/kids, dog and cat, and white picket fence. For most women this is the ‘American Dream’ because this is the dream that we’re told to have by those close to us and most of society.

Now as we become older, we realize that life doesn’t work as perfect as the storybook fairytales we’ve been spoon fed. We realize that sometimes relationships/engagements/marriages doesn’t work the way we planned, and sometimes we’re left raising kids on our own. And we do settle for someone just ‘liking’ us over someone loving us. Which leads to the miserable marriages and high divorce rates because we settle for the ‘like’ and not the ‘love’. We accept the fact that our lives won’t be perfectly ‘happy ever after’ and we settle for the ‘this will do until the next chapter is written’. Liking someone is fine, but you have to find someone who does more than just ‘like’ you. There are plenty of men I ‘like’ as people whom these feelings will never go past ‘like’. I’m seeking someone who will love me the same as I love him in return. And in doing so I am ‘waiting’ to meet somebody that I click with on every level, hoping that intimacy on an emotional, psychological, spiritual and physical level will lead to me saying “I do” (i.e. someone I love and not like).

I do not believe in love at first sight, but I do believe that somewhere, there is some man (regardless of race, skin color or religion) who can and will do more than just ‘like’ me. We’ll be friends first, as you’ve stated, but hopefully that ‘like’ will turn into a love that is so strong that our souls become one; and we’re cosmically destine to spend the rest of eternity together (both here on earth as it is in heaven).
Comment by Darrell Joyce on February 11, 2010 at 1:13pm
WC2c ...If you've allowed them to "test drive" the nookie, you've made the mistake, not just him. You set the relationship up to fail if you are passing it out like Halloween candy.

My point was: if you just wait until you meet somebody you click with on every level, initimacy follows shortly after. You've put the cart before the horse. LOL! Again, i respect women's arguements, but many shoot themselves in the foot long before their rebuttal gets off the ground.


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