Rape, Molestation, and Incest: Why it’s time to tell!

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Comment by Shelia on January 28, 2010 at 11:35pm

I am 45 and it is still very hard to think about what happened. It is a part of my past that I thought I could put behind me, but something always triggers me to think about it. I often ask myself if my life would be different if this horrible thing had not happened to me.I have hidden it so well, I can't quite remember my age at that time (maybe my early teens). It was a close family member. What sickens me the most is the people who should have been there for me were not. They treated me like I had did something wrong, so I believed that is was all my fault. He was the sick person not me. Instead of being upset with me, I think my family should had him put away so he could not hurt anyone else. I have manage to raise three beautiful children and have a great career. Some people don't realize it is to share this time of thing with others who have not had this happen to them.

Comment by Martisia williams Knighten on January 28, 2010 at 7:54pm

My father passed when i was 4 and my mom was all i had but that the first mistake. I come from a family with generations of incest. My mom is of incest. I remember how my mom used to leave up with my great grandparents at 4 in the morning po she could work and that was ok until the abuse started. First it was my great grandfather then my uncles and then my cousins. He would take of out of bed and molest of while my grandmother slept in the other room. My has always been a workaholic and her moto is see no evil hear no evil. She use to talk to up about a bad touch and a good touch. When i would try and talk to her about what was happening to me she would ignore me. When i started middle school she put me and my sister in daycare, that's when we met our new stepfather and the abuse continued. He would beat my brother for being overweight and take turns with me and my sister raping and molesting us. He sold me to the neighborhood for drugs. I became pregnant at 13 and my mom couldn't even take me to the doctor because she had to work. My grandmother took me. From that day i became a problem because people started asking questions. My teachers took me under their wing since they knew my whole family. DHR got involved and it was made clear that i said nothing about the family and to blame it on my stepfather. He admitted to everything but when it to court time she would not let me testify. So he pleaded out and got 1 year probation and was ordered to stay 1000 feet away but the next day he was at the house. She put him out but moved him in next door. I do not socialize with my family because some of them still today if they see me ask of whats up.

Comment by shelly on January 28, 2010 at 7:53pm

Goodness!

Dorothy sis you are one strong woman. I am so sorry all of this has happened to you, I am a new mother both of my girls are very young and tonight I will hold on tight to them and I have to say how blessed I am to have a husband who would rather take his own life then to hurt his daughters. I can't imagine living with what you have endured sis and if you made it this far you'll beat the illnesses as well because your a survivor:)

my mother is gone she has passed on when I was a young girl my father has raised me, my three sisters and one brother alone and as I sit back and read some of these stories and I think what great parents I came through and how my father deserves better than weekend visit from his daughters he deserves to be held on a pedestal because he has kept us safe from harm all our lives. INCEST is an ugly monster, rape is a violation to the soul and cover up is an injustice to the victim. we should not hold such an ugly act in we should expose it for the monster it is and get laws passed so that when a rapist rapes he/she spends the rest of their life in prison because I believe there is no rehab that can fix such an ugly monster.
BE WELL MY SISTER(:-)

Comment by Martisia williams Knighten on January 28, 2010 at 7:18pm

This today is still a very tough conversation for me to have. I am a victim of rape by incest and so is most of my family, but now i am paying for it by telling. My daughter has told me since i can't get along with her family (who is a product of incest) them she would make my life a living hell. My husband is now being charged with rape of her. She also said since i love my other her more than her them i will never get to see him or my kids again. This is no joke she has the law on her side and i'm the bad guy. My mom says regardless he its true or not what ever she wants she will make sure she gets it. How do you fight this?

Comment by Dorothy Malone on January 28, 2010 at 7:00pm

Hello Mike and George, I have been a victim o molestation, rape, and abuse it all started at birth, my nom water broke and she waited six hours later before she went to the hospital, hoping that I would be dead befor I was born, se almost succeeded. I survived, I was raped in the anal at the age of 8 years old, I was left alone home to rasie my brothers while my mom partied from friday night to sunday morning. I survived, I was physcially abuse with busted lip. burn in he face with a hot Iron, always the last to get shoes, shitle I had to use paper to lined the bottom of my shoes, mine you I was 14 years old. Kids during the 60's really teased me and talk about me being abuse etc. I survived that also. I have been aused by my children father he almost killed me while I was sleeping. I suvived that. When I told my mother that I was raped at the age of 8, she told me that I was a lier and that I was with a boy in the neigborhood. I was hurt and dissappointed but I survived that. I have a daugther is was touch the wrong way and told me I almost went to jail in another state, this happen wile she was staying with er father, and he did not beieve her. I almost went to jail for murder. I Survived that and so do my daughte. Now I can speak out to other woman who went through some of the things I went through. and what I told them was call on jesus and you will survive. I am also a breast cancer survivor and I am dealing with Lopus. All this to say I put my trust in god since childhood, and I have Survived it all My trust in god is that what kept me from using drugs, losing my kids, and my life

Comment by Dee Gorgeous on January 28, 2010 at 12:33pm

I was 13, tomboyish, naive and loved to play basketball. He was a friend of the family, taught mehow to play, he was my brothers best friend and could play the hell out of hoops... NBA style. Well I guess I went to the park with him one time too many.

I remember the both of us getting tired, therefore we sat down to grab some water and he looked around and told me to come here. I went, he told me to come closer... I did. he said we were going to do something that no one was to know about. Me....being as I was... shy and naive and trusting thought... "Yes, he's gonna show me some hoop tricks!" What he showed me was how to perform oral sex on him while holding my head down and then ripping my shorts off of me and trying to force himself in me causing me to bleed!

This topic on the Baisden show was actually enlightening to me... I say this because it gave me closure... I wished for many years for this person to be dead... I had read the book "Push" when it first published. I felt like the female in the movie "Monster". I wondered was this the reason for my becoming a lesbian...
for my fear, mistrust, hatred, nervousness, uncomfortable state of mind when it came to being around any male, including those in my family?
Yet, it happened again... I had no idea I was nearly 3 months pregnant... not believing in abortion, yet forced to do so because I knew there would be no love for this child... nor for myself... a child.

Yes, My Mother taught me about the "birds and the bees" but not about this... this thing that this man was doing to me! I was mad at her, but I can't tell her.

Is this why grown men were trying to get "acquainted" with me because they could tell that I had been "touched" at a young age... the could "smell" the innocence... the shame, therefore they prey upon the weak and naive? I have asked God many times...What did I do for this to have happened to me, all I wanted to do was play basketball!

My Mother knew later on that I was pregant but I was acted as if I just plain ol' had sex and it happened, never told I was as I later learned the word for it... being molested.
She told me she had known then that I was pregnant but wanted me to come to her when I felt the time was right, being she had known how uncomfortable I was and she explained that hse had her share of mistakes too and I could come to her about anything... but I could'nt... I was too shamed!
I attempted suicide (because I could'nt take it anymore... I felt dirty, worthless, womanless... just like his personal whore). She would'nt have understood that!

I am 41 now and I thank God everyday that I am able to have recently forgive this man and wish no ill-will towards him and I can continue moving on with my life. I wish I woulhave told my Mother years ago. But... I had five brothers and a bunch of uncles and they would be doing life sentences! But have my life, strength, the wisdom to teach my nephews and neices about my experiences in life... the good and bad as well as other youth that I work with on a daily basis. at that time in my life, I did'nt know that type of touching was inappropriate... he was "family"... I could trust him... our secret... Now I know... and the youth I encounter will know the difference as well and feel comfortable about telling.

Comment by M on January 25, 2010 at 12:48am

It happened to me from the time I could remember - my very first memory- until about 11 years old. A few times a week like clockwork. My family adressed the issue, my mother chose us instead of him ( for this I will always be grateful) and life went on. At the age of 26, I made the decision in 2010 ( 6 days ago to be exact) to seek an outlet sponsored by my church that would help me put aside the hurt, shame, anger and bitterness I feel. Most importantly to break the cycle and give my future children the life I never had. My prayers of relief and inner peace go out to all others ( men and women) whom have had to go through it. I have had sturrings in my soul for some time now about ways in which I could be of service to others like us. I will continue to ask God for guidance... Peace and many many blessing ISC MJ

Comment by Tammy Renae King on January 24, 2010 at 10:14pm

I can remeber at a young age how when where but I can not remember why I was sexually molested. I was in the fourth grade. I occured twice by two different people. The first was by my uncle my mothers brother. I went to visit him at his home. This was nothing new I had always spent time with him and his wife. This night was different he went drinking down the street and left me in the car for along period of time. He came back with some juice in a small can and it had donald duck on it. He gave it to me and asked me if I wanted to drive. Being young and eager I said yes jumped in his lap and he drove me to a dark bridge in the woods that had a creek below and he begin toucing me and it went from there. I did not tell my mother until I was an adult. I was afraid that my mother and father would believe me but hurt my family and no one would love me or like me in the family and hte same was true for my fathers cousin when he did it to me. I have little girls and if that happens to them I hope that they would tell me or someone cause it can be devistating and damaging. I have handled it well in my life but this is because I have God by my side he has guided me through all of my hard times and I vowed not tolet that get me down.

Comment by Shonda Crandon on January 24, 2010 at 9:36pm

I was sexually abused several times and there was even incest going on in my family also. I can't believe I'm saying something now because at this moment I fear somebody from my family will see this. I don't want to upset anybody but because of the molestion my mother and I never got along. We argued constantly. Very malicous things were said to me, about me. Things a mother should not have said but she did. Tell me, why would a woman choose a man over her own children? We as women are willing to do anything to keep a man. We sacrifice our time ourselves, our children, or spiritualiyt, damn near everything. All for what. A hot not in the sack, money, so called companionship. Until this day I have not confronted my mother but I did confront my father. She did not give me the love that I needed as a young girl, teenage girl or woman. We are not close. I speak to her maybe twice a month. My parents do not call. I do not go home because until this day my father makes my skin crawl. Right now I'm trying to be the best mother than I can be but I only can be that if God help me through. My past is a part of me but I will not let it control me.

Comment by GeoGeek on January 24, 2010 at 2:22pm

I have a friend who didn't tell until she was older... Her mom knew! Their life was perfect on the outside...all daughters with good grades & fancy clothes...yet they were not allowed to have friends. Her dad did something different to each daughter. They could not talk to guys. Their dad played the protective role and beat them if a guy called or talked to them... School was her safe place and the only place she could have friends... I admire her...she is strong! She has survived! I support / pray that every person who has lived through this would speak out...and seek friends / support groups that heal and love... It is time for our families to open up and stop the cycle!! MEN and Women are abused!! If you know, TELL...if not for you...to protect someone else!! No matter who it hurts...

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