It’s Complicated: Ex’s With Benefits: Is it always better the second time around?


As often as they are warned against it, sometimes exes do get back together. Re-dating someone you have been with before has its share of problems, and can sometimes end in disaster. However, re-dating your ex can mean that you were actually meant to be with one another, and can mean a fresh start for the both of you. Often, time apart shows how much you mean to each other, and rekindling lost love might be just what you need.

Before you decide to re-date your ex, a conversation should take place during which boundaries are set. You cannot simply pretend that this is the first go-round, and issues from your previous break-up(s) need to be addressed. Perhaps both of you have grown in your time apart, and that issue no longer stands between you, but that needs to be established before things get hot and heavy.

1. Past is Past - agree that the past is stricken from the record and that you are going to move on from a fresh, open-minded perspective.
2. Look for Signs – do not constantly accusing your ex of behaviors, but protect yourself if something feels wrong
3. Give the Benefit of the Doubt - be open and honest about concerns
4. Be Careful of Fights - never throw old arguments into the face of your partner

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Comment by Shalia Marie Anderson on January 30, 2010 at 4:19pm
Hello My Beautiful People: I have two comments to make: (1). This comment is to: Ruminatus San. I read january 26... You are an accident waiting to happen! It seems as though you only get involved due to the sexual aspect of the relationship... it should never be about the SEX.. that comes at a dime a dozen and does not have a lot of meaning behind it. The next time, try making love to the right person and maybe that person will not turn out to be an EX! (2) If you are an EX, be an EX! There is no need to tread that same water again, the second time you just might drown. Nothing is really better the second time around, you simply put more of an effort thann you did the first time.... Meditate on That!
Comment by Mary Stuart on January 27, 2010 at 1:24am
I would not go back for a million dollars not even enough money to pay all my bills and money to buy things I want and money to take care of others.
Comment by Ms. For-realness on January 26, 2010 at 10:47pm
I don't think that it is a wise decision to go back to your ex. In the event of someone having to relocate for work, or school to better themselves or something of that nature, and they broke up on good terms, perhaps that may be the exceptional case. But if there was a nasty break-up,and even the sex was good, I say move on. Some people misinterpret forgiveness as acceptance. They take a forgiving heart for a weak one. They are cool for while, but eventually the dragon will rear it's ugly head once again. Maybe there are some who beg to differ. Go ahead take your chances. But if you end up accepting even more drama than you did after the fact that you forgave them for drama in the first place, I won't be the one to say "I told you so".
Much respect.
Comment by DWJ on January 26, 2010 at 3:30pm
If it was there would be more people would be dating or doing their exes. They are exes for a reason and should only be occasional hi and bye acquaintances.
Comment by CHERYL (BKA) Natural Beauty on January 26, 2010 at 3:27pm
An ex is an ex for a reason. Back in the past when I was younger and naïve, of course I went back in forth with my ex or and the baby daddy but the older you get the wiser you are suppose to be. I prefer not to have a heartache and the headache, so no matter how good the sex was, no matter what I got out of it, and no matter how long the history we had between us, once I move on, I move on for good!
Comment by Ms.Eppy on January 26, 2010 at 11:28am
Been there done that.....bad idea.....Im too easy to forgive and forget until I get remined again and all hell breaks loose.
Comment by FLASH57 on January 26, 2010 at 8:38am
Just remember three things.
1.Why did you get together the first time?
2.Why did you break up?
3.Don't repeat #2!
Comment by Monica on January 26, 2010 at 7:08am
No just turn the page and get someone new


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