How does having children affect your relationship and sex life?

Everyone expects some things to change after having kids. Mama's body changes; the schedules change; priorities change... and of all that is understandable. But rarely do you expect your sex life to change. Most people don’t anticipate significant changes in the way they relate to their partners because kids are introduced to the equation. But guess what… it happens!

Caring for a newborn is exhausting. Many couples don’t have the energy to participate in the same activities prior to the baby's arrival. It can even be a challenge to make love frequently or regularly in those early weeks and months. Sometimes new mothers don’t feel sexy. It’s tough to relate to your partner and be intimate when you’re not feeling sexy. Also, when you have kids, parents tend to put taking care of themselves on the back burner. If you’re not eating right, if you’re not exercising, and resting properly, the bedroom activity can be affected as well.

Have you experienced changes in your relationship after having kids?

Did your relationship get better or worse with the arrival of children?

What suggestions do you have for new parents who are trying to put some spice back into their relationship?

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Comment by Connie "Sexy C" on October 28, 2009 at 9:33pm
It shouldn't effect anything. The child or children should not be used as an excuse. If you want a happy marriage/relationship do whatever it takes. That is the time to get real creative to ensure the sexual needs are met. Sexual satisfaction is as necessary as food and water!
Comment by Ebony Styles on October 27, 2009 at 11:05pm
I think it shouldnt effect anything....thts how they got here. but i do knw it happens i mean i am a great example. me and my husband have 5 children and cant seem to find the time to do anything anymore. it really does effect how we look at each other, some days for the better and others for the worst. but it is all wht you make it.
Comment by Lenny on October 27, 2009 at 10:35pm
TxRose thats awesome. At least someone wasn't going to let their sex life die
Comment by Andrea Shaw-Millwood on October 27, 2009 at 10:33pm
I have two young girls, one of which is school age. Kids are demanding and can put a strain on any relationship. It's all up to the couple how much strain they allow the children to have on the relationship. Relationships, in my opinion, are already hard, especially today. It is up to the couple to make is survive. if that means calling on grandma, a babysitter, a friend or relative to help out a few times for the months then that's what couples should do. We have to keep the spice in the relationship of one of those individuals might find themselves straying from the relationship to find someone who has the ability to put some spice back into their lives.
Comment by TXRose on October 27, 2009 at 10:03pm
When you have young children you have to be consistant with a schedule. They do not scheule the parent, you get them adjusted to your schedule. If they are cranky because of illness that is differant. Lights out 7:45pm-8:00pm. Creative minds at work always find a way to ooollllaaallllaaa!!!! Our kids are grown now, and we date like we can't get enough of each other even today. Leave each other msg to enhance the mind, LOL. If you hear what you want in the AM, you will get home if you can at lunch, and continue after dinner. If you need that last nectar jolt for the night, that can happen too! You just have to know that - IF HE DON"T, JOHN WILL. IF SHE DON"T JANE WILL. I will be his Jane, and he answers to JOHN. We crave each other, in or out of the city, And, will meet mid-point if we have to.
Comment by Tuca on October 27, 2009 at 9:25pm
If the baby is a newborn I go for that, but some women don't enjoy sex and use the children as excuses. They are the same ones that go crazy when their men go out for the lover's house. Handle your men home.
Comment by Vanessa on October 27, 2009 at 9:24pm
I never had those problems. I don't see how having kids slows anything down. They have to sleep just like you do. I was a nursing mom and many was the time when my husband got a mouthful of milk. We just laughed about it and went on. My third pregnancy ended when we decided to hit it before he went to work. I went into labor about 5 days early. Too bad we couldn't get along outside the bedroom!!
Comment by Gloria Lewis on October 27, 2009 at 7:34pm
It is what it is ,yes thigs change but you have to hold onto the love you have for each other to get through these times .Every real parent knows when you bring kids into the world your own life takes second place .As far as keeping your relationship together .Women have more tolerence for doing without sex than men .This works for me men dont care if it is a quickie they will take it and be happy .So the same way we as women put everything on a schedule make sure your men get theirs .If not they will end up getting it elsewhere,Lets not forget men will cheat in a heart beat and they will not be getting love just sex out there .So ladies handle your bussiness even when you dont want to be bothered or have the energy .
Comment by SirLaundria on October 27, 2009 at 6:24pm
Look...Sometimes you just have to threaten the kids and dare them to knock on your door....and then knock only if one of them are on fire!!!!
Comment by Dolleene Robinson on October 27, 2009 at 4:51pm
My sons are grown. It's the Grand Kids that stay up all night. Honestly, since they only come on the weekends, we take care of things before and after they leave.


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