Dating a Pastor: Would you do it? And what are the challenges?

77% of married pastors surveyed feel they don’t have a good marriage, 50% of these marriages end in divorce... But what do you do if you're a single pastor? How do you meet prospects? Obviously it isn't appropriate for you to be in a sexual relationship but how does the congregation feel about you "casually dating"? Do you think they would have more respect for you if you were married?

On the other hand, if you met the perfect match for you, things were going great and then they dropped the bomb.... "I'm a Pastor".... would you run or try your best to make the relationship work? Pastors work a lot, the congregation may constantly judge you and you may start to feel like you have to change who you are to live a "holier" life.

What are the challenges of dating a pastor? Would you do it?

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Comment by Twyla Vargas on August 19, 2012 at 10:15am

I do not think being a pastors wife is a difficult one, once your decision is to serve God and be totally submissive to him.  In this relation, it is not the husband Pastor, you would be serving.  It would be God, but once you find a Man of God who can be a good leader and you a good follower, there is no way you can go wrong.  May things have to be considered, and that is where good communication is key.  Good communication and praying together is a very important, and will help a relationship to be a beautiful one..

Comment by Classygirl on December 2, 2008 at 6:35pm
Been there - done that..................wouldn't do it again. I'm not first lady material (potty mouth). Neither was he. How can you get in the pulpit and preach the word after just leaving my bed? Anyway!!!!!!!!
If you've ever been involved in Church Mess - you've been thru the fire. Church people can be so judgemental and sancatamonious. Preachers are just men but yes, i think they should lead by example. Now try this on for size: There's nothing worse than being accused by the first lady, of screwing the pastor. Church Mess!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!The Worse
Comment by Sherman Bailey on December 1, 2008 at 6:11pm
Living in a " fish bowl " can be tough ! Certainly not for everyone. It goes without saying , that there are certainly some "pretenders , out there . The Preacher / Pastor , ( really having some difficulty w/ that terminology ) is, or should be relaying on God as much if not more so , as his congregation. A whole other problem . He / or She , really doesn't have a Congregration or Church . ( Eph 1:21-23 ) Only one preacher / teacher in reality . ( John 14:26) ( 1 Tim 2:5) "read first ". Some , if not most of the " Greatest Men in the Bible have lived less than " Pristine Lives". Think " Moses, King David , Sampson , Solomon , Noah , and an " Untold number " of others. Now a single Man , ( The emphasis being on Single ) is just that . " Single " , and therefore in principle , subject or should be subject to the same rules as everyone else. Now certainly I'm not talking about or referring to those that are simply looking for a " quick roll in the proverbial hay ". I'm specifically talking about "Decent Men" that just happen to Single and in the Minisitry. Most , if not all have the same "desires / passions " as other men in general. Although I expect that you should already know that . Hopefully , neither of you will get " caught up " as they say. You certainly should know long before you reach that point as to whether or not you have a viable prospect , with the real possibility of a " Deep Long lasting Relationship ". Sometimes , you may find one in your congregation , sometimes not. If not , then don't be afraid to look elsewhere! If , on the other hand you get caught up , and things don't work out. Keep your mouth shut ! Ask for Forgiveness and move on. You both will certainly have enough pressure to deal with just for trying. If , on the other hand , you are sucessful , then you will be in for The Journey of a Lifetime , and could become the envy of all of your Friends. Note : Some of the Best ( so called catches ) are actually the Men , or Women that have had some of the experiences discussed above , and have " turned their lives around "! " You cannot , Counsel , or advise me on something that you have not " experienced , and overcome "! " Yes you Can", but you must know how, and not be afraid to try if you so desire. ( Rom 5: 1-7) You cannot fail , if you aren 't willing to try . " Sherman"
Comment by ORLGURL on December 1, 2008 at 4:51pm
As most of you have said they are men first, the same way they conduct themselves as a man in the "world" is the same way they will act as a pastor. Yes they should be held at a higher standard because they have been "called" to do the Lords' work. If a man has been called to lead a concregation he should be held to a higher standard. If a man has respect for his woman as a man in a relationship he should have the same respect as a pastor. As a married man he would not counsel a woman in private, why would he need to do that as a pastor. As a married man he should not go to single women homes for dinner, as a pastor he should not be going to single women homes for dinner. A pastor should not accept gifts from women, unless that's the kind of man he was in the world. What's so important that a church member needs to call the pastor at home? If a member must call, state you business ask for prayer and hang up (LOL). Just like in real life what a pastor can not say in front of his wife should not be said. He's a pastor not a savior. A pastor will not be saving your soul, he can only interpet the word to help you save your own soul. A pastor is a man, if he was a man of character before he became a pastor he will still be a man of character after he becomes a pastor.
Comment by Melonie on December 1, 2008 at 4:15pm
I was Married to a Pastor, They are still men, but we have to practice what we preach, God is Love, and nothing else, even though He's a Judge, He is love. We have divorced because sometimes we as Christians hide the way things are at home and stay together, well I couldnt do it anymore, If you are teaching the word, then you should be first to do it, I'm not at all perfect but, God wants us to be happy, inside and out. If you do decide to date a Pastor, make sure you can assist him in his purpose and make sure he's seeing only you!!!! And most of all LOVE God's People, Because are very special people.....Keep an eye out for my book, The Run Away Bride 2009
Comment by Sincere1 (Lynetta) on December 1, 2008 at 4:13pm
I agree with Ellen! I dated a 'Pastor' and use the title loosly, (not from my church) when I was in my early 30's. Initially I didn't know he was a minister. He was almost fifteen years older than me at the time & a real charmer - and fine! I was very disappointed to find out how carnal he was once we went out several times. He was the biggest flirt & 'handsy' person. He was clear very early that he wanted to be intimate. How does a TRUE man of God preach the word to others, yet his own actions are anything but Godly? Don't give me that 'he's just a man' crap. A man who is really CALLED by God wouldn't carry himself in a manner that shames the Lord - at least not until after he married you! (LOL!) -- I cut him loose fast! Often men treat women the way they do because they can always find a women who doesn't respect herself enough to settle for better!

Since those days I have come acroos several Pastors within my own church who tried to lay several women at once - even married ones. It completely turned me off from even going to church for a while. It's hard to get into heaven because ALL THE HELL GOES ON IN THE CHURCH!

I don't want to discourage anyone from dating a Pastor - just know that he has lots of women to choose from, and generally tries to 'sample' several. Unless you're just in it to enjoy the experience, tread lightly.

On the other hand, dating a true Man of God with morals and values -- who is genuine and marriage minded will require a complete lifestyle change that you had better be prepared to live up to. Being a First Lady comes with high expectations and challenges. You can date or marry a real Pastor and still wear hoochie clothes, party, and hang out in 'da club!
Comment by friedbolognasandwiches on December 1, 2008 at 4:08pm
I am not sure that I would date a pastor - I mean I have played with the idea, but I can be a heathen at times and I don't think that would be the most appropriate thing for me to do to a man of God! LOL! Yes I am of Christian belief and I have backslid so far away from doing the right thing, but really when you get down to it -- that pastor has a past of his or her own. I like to be an explorer sometimes when doing what "grown folks" do (or as I sometimes refer to it as the naked nasty)! The question is not would I date a single pastor, but would a single pastor date me? Hehehe.
Comment by Freely on December 1, 2008 at 1:55pm
Would not date a pastor. In this day, it seem like a cover up anyway. I have met pators and those in school to become pastors and they are by far worst than the sinners who own up to what they do. And being a pastor or going to school to be one has been their way to fool the old people or their own family and make themselves look angelic. But oh' my if they only knew. I know a few who are walking around quoting scriptures, pretending to be preachers-- when people are watching, but they have been the worst example I know and I hope they do not take it to the pit at church. Stats dont really lie----you already said 77%. ........It's the truth
Comment by tabprincess on December 1, 2008 at 1:41pm
Well i am married to a pastor, and it is a hard thing. There is always something, listening to other peoples problems that they want him and only him to solve (quick fix) or the other women in his face or just him being tired from dealing with it all. But of course i deal with it and make sure him and my family is well taken care of so there is no room from the enemy to come in.
Comment by TNT on December 1, 2008 at 1:30pm
Depends on the rules of his religion. If his religion allows me to be able to sip on my pomegranate martinis and get passionate at least 4 times a week...we may be able to roll. LMAO

Other than that, I'm simply not ready to date a pastor. Like Steve Harvey says "He (God) is not through with me yet". LOL He's still working on this masterpiece.


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