Couples fighting over how to raise their kids: Why you must be united on the rules and punishment!

Child-rearing is often a sensitive and complicated issue for couples, and many argue about how to properly raise their children. But studies show that major parental disagreement is a source of mixed messages and confusion for kids that may undermine the attitudes, values, and behaviors parents hope to teach.

Do you and you spouse argue over how to raise your kids?

Have you grown up in a houshold where your parents disagreed on your upbringing? If so, how did that affect you?

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Comment by Henry J Augustus IV on December 29, 2009 at 8:59pm
First problem is you automatically want to punish, whoop. Shucks teach a child, show with example is what parents should talk to agree on that. When the child is educated and taught with values ethics honesty what's good and right and what's wrong and evil you wont have a lot of problems. I'm not talking read the bible and leave it to god or first thing in your heads whooop it. And for didnt teach it so when you hit it the child still hasnt learned what's wrong and right it's tryin to teach itself what's gonna get me hit and not. Sure a child will be mischivious, but discipline is different from punish. And you wont have a retard criminal that some of these parents are producing, problems in the school and in public.

Some will say oh the man is head of house period...he could be a damn idiot & a lot of that thinking is why you have problems cause he has a penis (people arent puppies) so that doesnt make his ideal right & same goes for these single moms who have babies for diff men meanin you can produce & work doenst make her values best either. The thing is a lot of these parents shouldnt be, but they can make babies.
Comment by bonnie moore on December 29, 2009 at 6:36pm
this should not be an issue the man is the head of the house. I was raised to respect his decision. we as parents can not be divided in front of our children or stepchildren if you must have a discussion about it do it in your bedroom like adults. For those parents that does not have the same views you need to sit down together before the child is old enough to understand, and get it together. Because youre doing alot of damage to the child now.
Comment by Richard McDonald on December 29, 2009 at 6:11pm
Child rearing and financial management are the two most significant reasons for the failure of relationships. Not sure which is first, but both are ahead of infidelity. Couples don't talk about the philosopy of raising the children, they haven't had yet. As for the step-parent issue. Children can and should be a deal breaker. If you do not feel I am competent to raise your child, you should not marry me. A man being in a hands off position is open to some disrespect from the child. If I can't discipline, then I can't support. If I have nothing to say, I have nothing to do.

In the case where the kids are mine, mom needs to remember, dad is the head of this house, and what he says, GOES. In order to have that level of order in the home, couples must have a commonality of history. Children should NEVER know that there's a difference of opinion in how mom and dad see them or their actions. Children, will play one parent against the other, and will take the path of least resistence. That's the voice of experience talking.

Unfortunately, there are parents who do not understand the principle of "Discipline with love." As an example, I NEVER spanked my kids when I was angry about what they'd done; same for the grands. Corporal Punishment has to be executed with a great deal of control. They got off lighter, but they didn't get off.

Order of discipline should be: Mentor, council, punish.
Comment by Lady D on December 29, 2009 at 3:54pm
My husband and I each brought a kid into the marriage, mine a boy (at the time, a toddler), his a school-aged girl. We disagreed on discipline more in the first year than in anything else. Allowing someone else to correct my child was one of the most difficult things about getting married, but we managed to find a healthy middle-ground. Whoever sees the Boy acting up first, gets to him first and the other parent steps back. If one has an issue with the way the other handled it, we still reinforce what the other parent said, but discuss it later in private. It rarely happens, but sometimes it does. As for my stepdaughter, she's never really needed more than a gentle reminder to do something, or a lecture once in the entire time we've been together, thank God. The little one is the trouble-maker. As a kid, my stepdad really just let my mother handle discipline, though I wish he would have stepped in more. She was freaking psycho! Every once in a while, when he thought she was endagering someone, he would step in and tell her to go somewhere to cool off, but for the most part, he was a neutral force.
Comment by CJfrom Jersey on August 11, 2009 at 9:01pm
My father took charge of three girls and my mother better not have said a word. We turned out very good. However my mom did not like it when we got beatens she would tell up to please listern to your father and do the right thing.I raised my children like i was raised the man in charge they turned out great hard headed boys. Sometimes they listern and some times they didnt boys will be boys.
Comment by Janet Goode on August 11, 2009 at 7:16pm
When it comes to rearing and discipling children the decision it should be a unamious decison if you are in a marriage .being a single parent the task become much easier especially when the absent father is not in the chidren lives.
Comment by Precious on August 11, 2009 at 6:45pm
Well in a perfect world it would be easy to deal with this problem, because all of us would have the same solutions for the same problems that we all face. But, since we don't have a perfect system, everyone according to their own experiences have some method or technique that worked favorably in their situation, to bring to the table, as a possible suggestion and/or solution to various problems, which gives us all options to choose from in dealing with our diverse situations, but we must be willing to listen and sometimes compromise. There is really no one set way or formula for everyone to handle certain issues, so common examples need to be demonstrated in order for the masses to see a doable remedy. In similarity, as it relates to couples raising children, in my opinion, due to the different cultural up bringing, single parent homes, inter racial relationship and same sex marriages, etc., we have allot to deal with our children. Nevertheless, the only way we can effectively pattern a solution to this issue is to constantly find ways to productively communicate and agree on how to mutually raise and discipline our children, from birth to adolescence. Furthermore, if you are a couple considering a committed relationship and the both of you have children from previous relationships under the age of 21yrs especially between the ages of 18-20, there should to be some serious discussion about how to deal with discipline and incorporating the children into your new life style. I believe, if you establish understanding, create structure, make and enforce simple house rules, and respect one another as a family unit, some of the issues won’t be that difficult to deal with. Remember kids must know their place and we as parents must establish guidelines and be good examples and positive role models for our children to follow. Take Care……..Be Blessed. Precious
Comment by Honey Angel on August 11, 2009 at 5:24pm
My ex-husband and I disagreed over punishment of his 3 kids, especially his daughter. But when it came to my 2 girls, he didn't have a problem discipling them. Since the divorce, his 2 boys have or is in prison and his daughter barely graduated from high school. My girls on the other hand, one graduated and is currently attending college part-time and working full-time. Is a CNA in Hospice care. My younger daughter will be graduating from high school May 2010. We are currently researching colleges/universities.
Comment by Gabrielle on August 11, 2009 at 5:21pm
Oh, man, we used to disagree especially when it came to doing homework/helping out. I couldn't stand the way my husband "helped" with homework if necessary because he was always super impatient and I hated for my kids to have to endure that. If they were writing a paper, neede to know the spelling of a word he would say "look in the dictionary" and I would just spell it for them and then have them give me a definition. I finally figured out that he just didn't know how to spell. LOL Anyhow, I made sure they had their homework done before he got home. End of story, everyone happy.
Comment by Maria P. on August 11, 2009 at 11:04am
I think the topic of discipline should be discussed by couples before they have children or are even married. I also think it should be a shared resposibility by both parents. If you are not in agreement with each other on discipling the children this should be discussed in private and then do what you need to for the child later.


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