Through all of the blogs and articles I have read, I see a common thread regarding women who do not want to date men with children or vice-versa: They are depicted as selfish w/insecurities, jealous, or immature. AS A WOMAN WHO DOES NOT DESIRE TO DATE MEN WITH CHILDREN, I need to say a few things that people in these situations fail to acknowledge:
1) Marriage is not the wedding, the flowers, the dresses, etc. Marriage is when 2 souls are joined as 1, which creates a "soul-tie." A soul-tie is created though S-E-X. Once a child is born, the soul-tie becomes flesh - a representation of a marriage between 1 man and 1 woman.
Of course, there are ways to purge oneself from soul-ties, if you are spiritual, however, once the soul-tie becomes flesh, it cannot be purged unless it becomes MURDER. Therefore, the reason these type of relationships struggle to work is because it is the attempt to blend a monogamous relationship with a polygamist situation, which is when a man marries more than 1 woman and they HAVE CHILDREN together. Let's face it, American culture does NOT prepare women OR men to accept this in their Judeo-Christian, Anti-Islamic world. Polygamy is illegal in America so how or better yet WHY should a woman/man just suck it up and accept a polygamist situation? NO ONE TALKS ABOUT THIS! Our culture teaches us that marriage is the wedding and not the intimate encounter (sex) that spiritually binds the marriage. Read up on divorce and the question of, "Was this marriage consummated?" Subconsciously, it is the distraction of the soul-tie that turns people without children off from dating single parents. We are not a polygamist society, but yet, we are expected to accept polygamist situations?! This is just an alternative view to the madness.
2) Ex-husbands and baby daddies are two totally different characters and deserve separate attention. However, #1 relates to them both, spiritually, which is really the root to the problem. It appears more respect is given to ex-husbands because at least they tried to make an OFFICIAL commitment. Their children are not here because of a "shackin-up" or "trapping" situation. Baby daddies are just that....someone's baby's daddy. I don't want to have my own baby daddy, so why should I (or any woman/man) want to have ANYTHING to do with another person's soul-tie? It's a distraction and the new relationship does not get the opportunity it deserves. As some will say, “Love creates babies and I am pro-life!” So, how can one focus on a new relationship when they already created a “love-life” with someone else - which was suppose to be for us, the prospective soul-mate AND spouse? Therefore, you are already bound in “love” with someone other than your spouse and soul-mate. How can you expect to find a soul-mate when you are already connected to an illegitimate soul-tie that cannot be destroyed?! Can we look at the REAL problems verses talking about how immature men and women are who are just reacting to what is problematic spiritually?
The point is, the world changes when 2 individuals choose to have a child. Things get difficult when you add more people to the "tie." Based on your religious background, when you have a child, the intention was for you and your partner to be together and nurture that soul-tie in flesh TOGETHER, ‘til death breaks you apart. Period. Sorry, you should have thought about that before you got married or became a baby daddy. This situation is not for OUTSIDERS that are not connected to you and I’m tired of people acting like it AUTOMATICALLY or GRADUALLY is. We, outsiders, are taught through YOUR single parenting articles/blogs that, we as “steps” or prospective “steps” will not have any say in what you do (ha, and you want to be MY spouse?), what the child does (so, he/she can call me a B**** and I can’t even put them in “time-out” and GOD FORBID spank that a**) , nor the baby mama/daddy (who thinks they are superior because they had your baby or created your baby OUT-OF-WEDLOCK, first….ha, any animal can have offspring, it’s how well YOU prepare for them and the situations YOU put the offspring in that matters).
As a side note, I’m tired of women/men acting CRAZY because they had YOUR PARTNER’S baby, first. Honestly, I’m tired of being a never married childless, single woman who baby daddies see as a great woman for them, but expects me to be understanding, accepting, patient, and available to become a “step mom” or “second wife” or “second-best” (however you put it, the title sucks) because I decided to get my education, graduate from high school AND college AND pursue grad studies, etc. AND didn’t have a baby as an irresponsible, young buck, still living in my family’s house. Perhaps, if these men did the same thing as I did, they wouldn’t be in this predicament…just maybe??? Ya know, it’s like a penalty for wanting to be a progressive woman…..get your education and an exceptional job to PROVIDE for your 21st century family, but in regards to your love life….get ready to be a step mom and deal with baby mama drama! Just the thought p***** me off. I digress. But to you women who did not do as many of our progressive sistas are doing, such as wanting to do more than be “barefoot and pregnant,” or keep a man, SURELY….there’s nothing cute about being FIRST and BROKE and SEXY and GHETTO and UNEMPLOYED and UNEDUCATED and LIVING ON SECTION 8 and STRUNG OUT and BEGGING FOR CHILD SUPPORT and…..and…….and……needless to say, I’m glad I’m not you and if you want to hold your head up high for being just that , take your sorry a** baby daddy off the market and marry your baby daddy (there are resources online to show you how) because I don’t want him nor your ghetto a** in my life. I planned for MY future, didn’t you?!
Besides, you and that person will ALWAYS have that soul-tie so the best thing for people in this situation to do is fix the situation with the other half of their soul-tie and not judge or belittle people who don't want to have anything to do with it. Perhaps, don’t date at all until the soul-ties are grown and possibly making their own soul-ties. I know that sounds messed up, but if you can't fix the situation with the other half, find others who also have flesh soul-ties (children) and perhaps you can make it work. It needs to be ACCEPTED and STRESSED that many childless singles want (and should want) to create a new family and not deal with the stress and drama of your soul-tie(s). We waited and want our OWN children!
In my opinion, if you already have a flesh soul-tie, you are not eligible to be a soul-mate to anyone outside of that circle. Read #1. I know, you’re probably looking at your baby mama or daddy in a different light now….yes…reconciliation - if they are still alive and haven’t attempted to drown another childless single into this pit. If reconciliation is definitely not an option, at least, consider what I am saying “spiritually” and YOU begin to have understanding and patience when wanting to deal with a childless single. Again, we planned for OUR future, didn’t you?!?! Everything is not about YOU and YOUR baby and if it is….LEAVE US CHILDLESSS SINGLES ALONE!
3) The more you tell us we are not a priority (or better yet the infamous “My child comes first“), the more we don’t want to do s*** for or with YOU and this has nothing to do with the child or the FACT that you have a child, but your communication skills. If anyone ASKS you to put them before your child, they are dumb, but most times we childless singles hear/see this statement as a precaution and disclaimer, it seems. That is a HUGE, MAJOR, GRAND turn-off and how dumb of you to keep drilling in a person’s head, “The sky is blue?” But since many of you do….Next time you want sex or need money, call YOUR child! Wow, why would I say that? Well, when you make YOUR disclaimer, it’s like you are belittling the little things childless singles can offer (that your lil bundle of joy obviously cannot) by ignorantly creating a “ranking system”…..you, single parents, created this “ranking system” so don’t get upset when we get offended from hearing it. It doesn’t sound right to the other person and frankly, it’s a dumb a** statement because if you were sick and not well enough to care for yourself or take care of your needs as a biological human, who would take care of the child in your absence? That’s the problem, single parents are so keen on so-called putting their child first that they sometimes put other things like health, finances, or anything/anyone contributing to their positive well-being, etc. on the back burner. Without those things, without taking care of YOU, how can you possibly put the child, first?! The child came from you….you were in the land of the living, first. Can you take care of a child while you are sick and registered in a ICU unit at a hospital, buried in a grave in the cemetery, or locked-up behind bars? YOUR well-being and positive approach to life comes FIRST so that you can PROPERLY care for the child -- who in actuality is SECOND or perhaps THIRD if you are religious and put your Creator, first. Now, do you see how stupid your “ranking system” sounds to us? We get it…“The sky is Blue.”
4) Which bring me to my final point…..Some people actually have a vision for their future. Although the divorce rates projected in America are at 50%, most of the people I KNOW with children (and who want to date ME) were never married, but simply had sex with people (who they did not love from the start or got trapped by some woman’s “needy” love) and now a child is here. To set the record straight, if a person is in their mid-20s, 30s or 40s, unmarried, and does not have children, LIKE MYSELF, it is often expressed how they respected their future partner as well as their future child/ren enough to WAIT (by any means necessary…take that how you want to) and not make them have to deal with the B.S. that comes with these situations. Would you want to be with me if I constantly had to see and deal with my ex? NO…and I have some FINE ones, too! Oh, did you say, “But, it’s for the sake of the child?” Well, please re-read #2 in its entirety.
Childless, Single Men and Women desire and deserve to be happy too. It's just unfortunate so many childless singles have made decisions to marry and become divorce or never married parents without a plan producing unplanned children. Society is trying to sell this "blended family" diversion, but where is the nuclear family? There must be some hope for US somewhere! Divorce should not be a wake-up call to accept “Instant Families,” but a prompt to evaluate male-female relationships in America. America has a lot of dirty laundry and if we would take time to clean our s***, we could fix our cultural and national issues.
Also, per other blogs I have read on this subject...the statement about women who "hold out for a man with no kids" should not be confused with why she is single. People with children are NOT single....they are an individual component of a already made family (a soul-tie). So, why are they concerning themselves with childless singles anyway, they are not single. Read #1 again. I digress.