Are Fatherless Black Women Doomed to Repeat the Cycle?

YES or NO and WHY? Daddy was not in the household to raise them. So, is it possible for this type of women, born after 1970, from this type of household, to truly understand the significance of a father in the lives of their own children? We all learn by example. We learn by what we experienced (saw, heard, felt, etc.) while growing-up. If a fatherless home was her experience, in all probability, she will repeat the cycle. Very, very seldom will any of us come across someone, from this type of household, who has had extensive psychological counseling to address and reverse some of those tendencies that will lead to repeating the cycle.

Why is this important? It is important because the “nuclear” family structure, for the majority of the…
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Tags: Divorce, Fatherless-Household, Marriage, Poverty, Solutions, Unwed-Mothers

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Comment by Paul Dorsett on June 5, 2009 at 12:44pm
Your statement that we learn from what we see, hear, feel is true..but not limited to those things that come from a father or a mother. How we learn to integrate those experiences in life are the critical areas. A fatherless family does not 'doom' any particular member to a negative life-style in, and of itself. However, combined with many factors outside the home, the fatherless child has to do some serious work, on their own, to supplement what is ASSUMED to happen in the intact home.
Comment by Natosha Dawson on May 31, 2009 at 2:02am
Mr. Knowledge,

Men are just as responsible as women in regards to having unprotected sex before marriage. In addition, couples who wait to have children until after marriage are not omitted from life's circumstances. Meaning that a married couple with children can have difficulties that result in that father leaving the home.
Comment by Natosha Dawson on May 31, 2009 at 1:56am
I believe that the answer to this question is very complex to say the least. Fatherless black women are not "doomed" to repeat the cycle if they are aware of the cycle and the need for change. Women who grew up without their fathers know the significance of a father in their children's lives probably more so than those who grew up with their fathers. I never met my father and I found out years ago that this fact of my life attributed to how I viewed relationships. I was looking for the right things just in the wrong places. I was looking for someone to tell me that i was beautiful and speak life into me when that was my father's job. I learned this through soul searching and Jesus. As a result, no matter how bad my sons' fathers are acting I ensure that they are a part of their lives. I do not believe that a father has to be in the same household with their child in order to assist in rasing that child. In some instances, it is better for the parents to split rather than stay together. For instance, is it better for a father to stay in a home where he is unhappy with his mate and their is so much tension in the home that you could cut it with a knife? Will the children in that home not be negatively affected by these actions? If the couple, decides to stay together for the chilren what will they then do when the children are grown and out of the house? Will this not teach these children to resent marriage because of the experiences in their homes? Will that child be any less affected as an adult who finds out that their parents are divorcing?
Comment by Monsieur Connaissance on May 31, 2009 at 12:30am
This would be a non issue if women just waited until marriage to have unprotected sex.
Comment by Shermaine D. Collette on May 31, 2009 at 12:11am
I believe it depends on how the single mom raises her. My dad was never around, I met him a few times, visited him in N.Y. for shopping purposes. I see what kind of person he is, and why would I want to deal with someone like him? My mom is a very strong person. She has taught me not to depend on anyone. I have a 6 year old, I left his dad when he was 2. We are civil, we have a lucrative agreement as far as child support between ourselves, our son's on his insurance. I only give him the benefit of the doubt because he tries. He works all the time because he has other kids to support too.

Hey, I made my bed, I laid in it, now I'm taking care of business.

So the answer to that question of the fatherless daughter repeating the cycle, is no. they should know better.
Comment by Lewis on May 30, 2009 at 10:02pm
@Kiri. Can you normally tell before you (not you in particular) sleep with the dude that he is no good? Are there indicators that he is devoid of owning up to responsibilities before you begin to have children? I know some dudes might have some tight game but it's hard for me to believe that women don't know if the guy they are sleeping with has responsibility retardation. True women don't make the choice of a man to be a father but you have the choice to have unprotected sex with him knowing he is no good from the start.
Comment by Sub Urban Mom on May 30, 2009 at 9:00pm
Women don't make the choice to have a fatherless child!
... that statement sounds like a broken record in the black community.

Fathers choose not to parent their children. You can choose the father, but you can't control if he parents. You let my daughter's father tell it, even my own Dad, they promised to be the best father in the world....and failed. My mother, nor I had any choice or decision making in these men FAILING as fathers. Being married, divorced, or unwed is not the determining factor in being a quality father. But us women, are sticking by our children whether we do good or bad. Being a mother is an appointment by God, being a father, the head of the family is an appointment by God also. Those who realize that do ok.
Comment by layla on May 30, 2009 at 2:02pm
It depends on the women involved, yes it can be harder to break the cycle. My dad was involved in my life, but it wasn't in the home (was married to someone else).

Everytime I hear these type of arguments that somehow involve two parent families vs. single families and we always hear about dsyfunctional marriages vs. healthy single family home. That is not a fair comparison and at times makes me cringe. Because on some levels it suggest healthy loving marriages can't or don't exist.

The fair comparsion would be a healthy loving single family home vs. a healthy loving 2 parent home (assuming parents are married).
If we are going to compare dsyfunctional 2 parent homes then it should be compared to dsyfunctional single family homes. Why does no one ever compare it this way?
Contrary to popular belief not every marriage is dsyfunctional and the woman is just putting up with BS just to have their kids in a 2 parent home. Some of us (myself included) actually have healthy loving marriages that we are raising our children in. I have seen dsyfunctional and unhealthy single parent homes just like I have seen dsyfunctional and unhealthy 2 parent homes. IMO none are good environments to raise a child. The hubby and I hope our 2 daughters will be able to find men who will love and respect them the way he loves and respects me.
Comment by Alexxus on May 30, 2009 at 1:29pm
I will piggy-back if I may on Original man and Nikkim...women are doomed to the beds they make, not those that are made for them. If you were raised fatherless, then thats the bed that was made for you, we as women have the ability and strength to turn that around, make our own beds or choose to sleep on the floor, so to speak. Make your own decisions anbe willing to back that decision regardless of consequence or prize. Its a catch 22. I think my mother is a strong woman whose choice in a father for me and his weaknesses, made me fatherless, but I took of her strength and not of his weakness. We just have to make powerful, timeless and honest choices for ourselves....and pray God continues to hold us up.
Comment by Original_Man on May 30, 2009 at 10:52am
I agree with ron and nikkirn although it appears that sistas are doomed who grow up fatherless it is
still required that they take responsibility for they're actions and make better choices as to who they
have relations with and kids with. As for the men, they must grow up and step up and take being
a father seriously because the welfare of they're kids depends on it. And finally, we need to bring back that sense of community within our community in order to turn this thing around. ONE LOVE


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