Opposition's Advocate: Have your forums,we won't get anywhere....
I've gone through a few discussion topics in this group, I was once a part of another group with opposite motives (allegedly). One common theme is too prominent for comfort: In the "help men" forums, when a woman expresses herself in an attempt to help men understand how women (or she) think in certain situations or instances, it is met with a defensive attack, a game of wordplay, character destruction, and immediate denial. When a man attempts to give insight to ladies in a "help women" forum, he is a woman basher, he's immature,ignorant, and he's met with defensive attacks,denial,and harsh words. None of this is actually productive. As a matter of fact, it is counter-productive, and leads to the incessant unnecessary war within our community and between genders.No one will WANT to tell you the truth if you can't handle the truth with due assessment and evaluation versus immediate defense.
I AM a little biased by my experiences in saying this, as I was kicked out of a group for being too individually opinionated (truthful). Even though all of my responses maintained a genuinely calm and concerned demeanor and ended with "love you sis"....it was still countered with discontentment. I'll admit that some of it was my fault. I 'd forgotten the rules of belonging to a group.....you have to conform to the consensus. If the majority gives "right" answers and kisses up to gain favor, you have to do it as well to remain.
Having said that, this is a REMARKABLE group here with enough intelligent, funny, opinionated individuals to have inspiring, meaningful, and purposed discussions.
(And now to turn this into an actual discussion instead of my personal rant,lol.)
Why do you think it is so hard for men and women to accept recommendation from each other; things they would like to see adjusted, encouraged, or discouraged?
For instance: a woman says, "black men aren't affectionate"...a man will come right behind that and instead of offering a reason or a possible cause to the effect, he will say something like: "I don't know what type of men YOU have been meeting but I for one am very affectionate. I've been brought up around ALL women and what you've stated is an irresponsible falsity and a miserable generalization.".....Constructive Criticism vs. Destructive Criticism...the latter example was neither. Just a defensive attack initiated by a general remark made personal and probably applicable to the one it p***** off the most......
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Aaron Homer on -
I do know of a group that is completely opposite this one, the difference I see here is that those here understand that everyone has been hurt & it's not a one sided situation. In order to get any kind of answers to any question or to understand, you cannot approach it with angrily & many in this group only point that out. If I have a issue with a woman, how can I make a post to get understanding of why she acts the way she acts if I am degrading her & women in general (vice verse). It clearly shows that I am angry & really want others to agree with me.
Next, to share what you know, 90% of the times, it's experiences that you share if you don't share what other people are saying. As I told a friend of mine just recently, There is nothing worse than sitting around a bunch of broke men talking about broke women but the fact is, the men are the ones who are broke & vice verse. You tend to be able to point out the people who love to do this & want you to think a certain way. If you don't think or respond the way they want you to respond, you are off, wrong, weird, Etc....
I will finish later, got a knock on the door....lol
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Permalink Reply by Aaron Homer on
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My apologies but your question, Why do you think it is so hard for men and women to accept recommendation from each other; things they would like to see adjusted, encouraged, or discouraged?
I agree with Tracey, often times, one gender just wants to be right. Now this is an opinion of mine, I think sometimes a person is or has been so hurt over a situation that they refuse to want to hear anything different. Again, we all have been hurt before & we understand the emotions that go along with it but if a person can't see their own self first, how can they receive an opinion from any one.... I really do like the maturity of this group; suck ups, I never did like & I can't lower myself to fit into a certain select, that is so not me....
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Permalink Reply by Mandinka100 Da Bittahsweet Bruh on -
I've posted my viewpoints in a lot of discussions. Some are received well while others get the response of a cyber-lynch mob.
I have the integrity to say what I feel needs to be said without any hidden agendas such as playing to the crowd or trying to get cootchie coupons.
I also know that my experiences such as they are ... they sometimes are indeed colored by my biases and emotional blind spots. That (self) knowledge tempers what I say.
I don't invest a lot of time or energy in decontructing ... i.e. ...picking apart every word somebody else might post ... especially if it disagrees with my point of view.
IMO, I think the reason why we are non-receptive and sometimes hostile to advice or criticism from the opposite gender is because we sometimes don't want to grapple with the grain of truth contained in what they say.
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Permalink Reply by Tracey Hanton on -
ain't that the truth!
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Permalink Reply by Tracey Hanton on
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Why do you think it is so hard for men and women to accept recommendation from each other; things they would like to see adjusted, encouraged, or discouraged?
Well of course I don't have the answer however, I think sometimes one gender wants to be RIGHT and anything that goes against their preconcieved notions they really don't want challenged!
Personally, I don't mind the challenge as long as I am not attacked degraded etc. and I am careful not to do the same. Also- as was mentioned- some come to the group already battered and bruised and not yet near healing- they may try to State otherwise but you can tell.
Having said that, this is a REMARKABLE group here with enough intelligent, funny, opinionated individuals to have inspiring, meaningful, and purposed discussions.
This is definitely true in this group- that is why I stay here. We can agree to disagree in a respectful way for the most part and some extremely helpful tips and perspectives have been given!
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Permalink Reply by Real on -
Yes....you CAN tell. When there's peace and joy within, it spills outward. Likewise, when there's hurt and pain within........it spills outward, regardless of facades and masks.
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Permalink Reply by Markv on -
When a person handles a situation, he/she thinks(if they're honest) they are doing the right thing. When a person makes a recommendation that differs from the way a person may think(a persons opinion), that person may take that recommendation as a criticism and that is why a the person becomes "defensive" instead of receiving the recommendation.
When a person of the opposite sex honestly gives a recommendation & feels they're making a truthful statement some people may take it as "sexist". People have differing opinions on different subjects(religion, politics & sports...etc) and mean no offense to another person.
I stress "honesty" because I believe(my opinion) that honesty(especially in relationships) is ususally better for all concerned. Some people I believe, deceive in their texts & conversations.
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Permalink Reply by Champagne on -
Interesting Real because I left a group based on the majority of some extremely biased opinions and inability to be reasonable in regards to those who opposed their opinions. It was even hard to simply read some of the offensive responses that attacked whomever had a differing opinion...
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Permalink Reply by mysticalove on -
I've also notice that in some groups and because of it..sometimes I'll comment and sometimes I'll just read..shake my head and keep going. I can't go against what I feel and believe just to fit in. I had an option once in another group and was bashed in the forum but, got a message from the same person agreeing with me. It had me thinking...is this all just for show? In another group a person told me they liked me because I was real. I feel if I can't give my real option then I rather give none. I feel like this..tell me the truth about how you feel whether you agree or not...it's ok. Everyone will not agree and I don't expect them too... why should I take it personally. I just think everyone should have respect for each other without name calling. Why post something if they just want to hear from people who is going to agree?
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