ACT LIKE A LADY, THINK LIKE A MAN: CHAPTER 6: SPORTS FISH VS. KEEPERS- HOW MEN DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE MARRYING TYPES AND THE PLAYTHINGS

Steve is an avid fisher and uses his love for fishing as a great analogy to the kinds of women men decide are keepers or playthings. This is when I think, a good deal of women may get offended but it’s also an opportunity to look at yourself and ask yourself if you are a keeper or a “throwback”

v …”Am man fishes for two reasons: he’s either sport fishing or fishing to eat, which means he’s either going to try to catch the biggest fish he can, take a picture of it, admire it with his buddies and toss it back to sea, or he’s going to take that fish on home, scale it, fillet it…and put it on his plate. This, I think, is a great analogy for how we see women.

v “…men are, by nature, hunters, and women have been put in the position of being the prey….it used to be that a man ‘picked’ a wife…’asked’ a woman to dinner…We pursued…Women have bought into this for years, too….Flowers, jewelry, phone calls, dates, sweet talk-these are the weapons in our hunting arsenal when we’re coming for you. But the question always remains: once we hook you, what will we do with you?”

v “How we meet, how the conversation goes, the relationship develops, and the demands you make on a man will all determine whether you’ll be treated like a sports fish-a throwback or a keeper, the kind of woman a man can envision settling down with…”

v A Sports Fish: Doesn’t have any rules, requirements, respect for herself, or guidelines, and we men can pick up her scent a mile away. She’s the party girl who takes a sip of her Long Island iced tea….then announces to her suitor that she just want to ‘date and see how it goes’…For sure as she let’s a man know that he can treat her just any old kind of way, he will do just that. Men will stand in line to sign up for that…"

v A keeper: Never gives in easily, and the standards/requirements start the moment you open your mouth…she commands –not demands respect, just by the way she carries herself. You can walk up to her and giver her your best game, and while she may be impressed by the what you say, that’s no guarantee that she’s going to let the conversation go any further, much less give you her phone number…Men automatically know from the moment she opens her mouth that if they want her, they’ll have to get in line with her standards and requirements, or keep it moving because she’s done with the games and isn’t interested in playing….

v “Newsflash: it’s not the guy who determines whether you’re a sports fish or a keeper-IT’S YOU! (Got to buy the book to get this point in full. It’s good too just too much to type.

v “Now revealing that you’re a keeper is no guarantee that this guy won’t just walk away. Some men really are just sport fishing and have no intentions of doing anything more than throwing back the women they bed. If this is the case with this man, let him walk. What do you care…If he’s not ready for a serious relationship, he’s going to treat you like a sports fish….”

Some examples of the differences between sports fish and keepers:

A woman who commands respect is a keeper, a woman who lets men get away with disrespecting her is a throwback.

A woman who is dressed appropriately-has her goodies reasonably covered, but is still sexy, is a keeper; a woman who is scantily clad dripping sex is a throwback.

A woman who won’t let you feel all over her body while you’re dancing is a keeper; a woman who drops it like it’s hot and puts on a dance floor performance that would make video vixen Karrine Steffans blush is a throwback.

A woman who takes a man’s number but doesn’t give him her own is a keeper, a woman who hands out her home, work, and cell phone numbers and e-mail and home addresses to a man who’s done nothing more than buy her a drink and ask how he can reach her is a throwback.

A woman who knows she wants to be married and raise a family and lets a man know up front is a keeper; a woman who doesn’t have a plan for her relationship life beyond next weekend is a throwback.

HOW TO TELL IF YOU’VE MET SOMEONE LOOKING FOR A KEEP OR A THROWBACK:

If his conversation with you is extremely superficial, and never seems to graduate beyond the surface, he’s sports fishing; if he genuinely seems interested in your needs, life, desires, and future, then he’s looking for a keeper.

If he laughs off your requirements and standards then he’s sports fishing; if he seems willing to abide by your rules and actually follows through on them, then he’s looking for a keeper.

If he takes your phone number but waits longer than twenty for hours to call, he’s sports fishing; if he alls you right away, he’s showing that he’s genuinely interested in you, and is most likely looking for a keeper.

(Lorenzo may disagree about this one…I don’t know-lol. J/k) If he takes you out on a date and lets you pay, or only kicks in his portion of the bill, he’s sports fishing; if he pays the bill, he’s showing that he’s willing to provide for your, which means he’s likely looking for a keeper.

If he does not have himself together financially, emotionally, and spiritually, he may be sport fishing; if he is capable of providing and protecting his potential family the way a real man should, then he might be searching for a keeper.

If he lobbies for an ‘open’ relationship and says he’s cool with you seeing other people, then he’s sport fishing; if he wants your relationship to be exclusive and he agrees to date only you, he considers you a keeper.

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Replies to This Discussion

Man...this dude is old. Again...he's missing that the fact that men ARE NOT THE HUNTERS TODAY THEY ARE THE HUNTED. This is a guide for the 80's or 90's. Fresh water bass aren't into nightcrawlers no more Steve.... Check the calendar bruh...
who huntin?
"…men are, by nature, hunters, and women have been put in the position of being the prey….it used to be that a man ‘picked’ a wife…’asked’ a woman to dinner…We pursued…Women have bought into this for years, too….Flowers, jewelry, phone calls, dates, sweet talk-these are the weapons in our hunting arsenal when we’re coming for you. But the question always remains: once we hook you, what will we do with you?”

This whole chapter is predicated on the notion that men are out there hunting for women like back in the day. Men don't have to hunt anymore. THAT is the issue and that seems to be the one fact that just isn't being accepted. I hear women from time to time say they get that but do they really?? I would state that they haven't thought that basic fact through. It changes the entire relationship.

Would you say these are the same situation?

1. You need a new car. You've picked out a car you think is perfect for you. The dealer is sitting inside so you go in to talk to him/her. The dealer has a very lucrative business and isn't really hungry to sell a car especially when he/she looks you over and runs your credit. You are willing to do what it takes to get the car so you go out searching for financing on your own or ways around your poor credit.

2. You need a new car. You walk into an over stocked lot. The dealer sees you and comes rushing out to attend to your needs. You just say you're looking but he/she goes into a sales pitch about discounted specials and all you need is a job and he/she will get you financed.

Get the point? Women do more hunting then men. So hunting...fishing...whatever you want to call it, it's the women that are taking up that role of pursuit out of necessity. Men don't have an URGENCY to buy like they once did because the lot is over-stocked and he knows his business is in high demand. The illusion is that women somehow have the power in this situation. This is an outdated viewpoint. This is more 1999 than 2009...

But again....if Steve said that, well....it certainly wouldn't be on the best-seller list. It would probably be in a different type of seller...like basement cellar list and it's not about what's right, wrong or fair. It just is...
***SIGH***
***SIGH SIGH***

BRYCE, WITH YOUR MIND FIXATED ON THAT FACT, YOU WILL PROBABLY NOT APPRECIATE THE REST OF THIS BOOK AND WE UNDERSTAND BUT WHAT I AM GETTING FROM THE MOST PART IS THAT THE LADIES WHO BOUGHT THE BOOK AND ENJOY THE BOOK AND ACTUALLY GETTING SOMETHING FROM THE BOOK ARE SOMEWHAT ENCOURAGED, ENLIGHTENED, AND POSSIBLY HOPEFUL, THAT THEY CAN POSSIBLY MAKE BETTER DECISIONS IN REGARDS TO RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEN.

NOT TO SAY YOUR POINT SHOULDN'T BE CONSIDERED BUT IT/YOU ARE APPEARING TO BE DISCOURAGING. YOU NOR STEVE ARE RIGHT OR WRONG SO REGARDLESS OF HIS AGE, HE'S A WISE MAN AND HAS A RIGHT TO SPEAK ON THIS TOPIC JUST AS YOU DO SO I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR SOME MORE ENCOURAGEMENT FOR YOU AS THE CHAPTERS GO ON. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

SORRY FOR THE CAPS. TOO LAZY TO RE-TYPE
If you want encouragement then stop coming from a place that's not factual. It sounds to me what you really want is me to tell you what you want to hear. You want me to play into the dilusion and say, "Yes girl keep doing that and prince charming will be following you around like a love sick puppy".

That's just not reality hun. I'm not trying to be negative.......just factual and realistic. Think about it. If Steve is being that truthful about how men these days are really thinking, umm...where are all the sales figures from men buying and promoting the book? Look at your blogs about the book. Where are the men?

So again, some things are true. Some are well outdated. THOSE are the facts. Now if you want to get encouragement from the truthful parts then fine but I can't ride the fantasy boat.
***SIGH*** I don't need an amen corner Bryce. You don't see one post from me in this group about my personal relationship issues or me asking why men cheat or why he hurt me or none of that SAD DESPERATE CRAP!. I, am, for the most part, not even providing my thoughts on these matters, I am simply giving people something to talk and think about and discuss. All I am saying is that the majority of the women are feeling the book for their reasons and discouragement is not what they need to hear right now. Do we not get enough of that on a regular basis?????

That's all I'm saying and I'm done. Be Bryce and state your facts boo boo. Love you all the same.
So you're saying all women are desperate & are suppose to take anything from a man & not have any standards? Everyone is suppoe to have standards no matter what year it is. No person wants someone that will accept anything. there is no respect for that type of person. I don't see this as beig an outdated view.
Biax...he huntin (jes like the rest of em)....he jes like to play da role......
.....maybe 10-12 years ago.... Currently anyone that knows me clearly knows I don't chase. You don't have to chase what's falling in your path every couple of steps. I'm not saying that with any air of arrogance. It's just the numbers. If a man feels restricted it's because he's placing those restrictions on his choices. As a man, you have to be extremely, extremely, EXTREMELY picky these days to truly say you have no choices. I'm only talking about straight up men now. I'm not talking about those brothas that really aren't relationship calibur. But that being said........even the bad ones have more choices that they usually would these days.
I never used the term DESPERATE. You see that's what's keeping the blinders on. How much plainer can I say it. It's fact that there are more eligible single women than eligible single men. That fact tips the scales in a man's favor. This isn't brain surgery.

How does a shopper gain power? A shopper gains power by having choices. The more choices a shopper has the more competitive the stores have to be with each other in order to garner the shopper's attention and business. That shopper has the power to take time to shop around basically...because there will ALWAYS be a sale on. It's the nature of the business.

This is the same dynamic. I understand why women don't want to accept this though. The entire "reframing" of the women movement was to place women in a position where she has the power to shape her own destiny. Women do have the power to live their lives the way they choose BUT the notion that doing certain things to give themselves a firmer mental sense of control does NOT change the facts on the ground in this war and it certainly does not give them power to influence how a man sees those facts.

It's all about projection. The game now for women to try and separate themselves from the crowd is to project a sense of strength and power. But it's only a projection. Men that understand that the power is in the numbers can see right through that outer shell and see the same insecure, vulnerabilities and if he chooses play them to his advantage. He only needs to know 2 things.......her fantasies (and I'm not talking just sexual)...and her emotional triggers. If he captures her with those two things he surely has the advantage. Men that aren't respectful will misuse that and then women find themselves in situations where if it wasn't them they would be calling the woman dumb and misguided. These are the same women that a couple of months earlier were marching to the tune of "I'm a woman of virtue, high standards and chastity".

I'm not here to argue right and wrong. But if you want real talk, there it is. You either play poker with the current rules on the table or get caught holding a hand that you thought was high roller but under the current rules is quite mediocre.
@ Brey Actually I am enjoying his viewpoint on the book as well. It is refreshing to see what an intelligent man thinks about what is being said in the book. At the end of the day, we are all going to make our own decisions. I am a two side of the coin type of girl, so I would rather look at it from a few different standpoints. JMO

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