Turn in your Bible to Psalm 65:4 (the New King James Bible). It says,
"Blessed is the man you choose and causes to approach you. That he may
dwell in your courts and shall be satisfied with the goodness of your

Pastor T. D. Jakes made a statement once that was morbid but SO true!
He said that when choosing a mate, you need to ask yourself whether or
not that person is the one you would want to hold your hand as you are
lowering your parents' bodies into the grave for the last time. That
is serious. Meditate on that for a few seconds. Your entire perspective
in term! Is of what you are searching for in a mate should be based on
that one question.

Are you dating? Think about your boy/girlfriend. Is he (she) seriously
the one you would want holding your hands during the darkest hours of
your life? Look even deeper. Is your present boy/girlfriend the type
who would offer you assistance during the time of grief? Unbelievably,
there are numerous men (women) out here who offer
absolutely NO comfort to hurting women (men). And no, it does not
matter whether they are married to those women (men) or not! I wish you could
see some of the personal letters this site receives from married

Yes, some of them are happy, praise God! However, the ones who are not
happy are miserable. There are no in between. Either you are happy in
a marriage or you are not. There are married women (men) writing saying
their husbands (wives) never show authentic affection towards them,
never offer expressions of love for them. That is real. Because it is
so real, God desires that women (men) are exceptionally careful when
choosing a mate. Notice I did not say that women (men) should FIND a
mate! I said, "Choose." There is a huge difference.

Turn in your Bible to Proverbs 18:22. It says "that He who finds a
wife finds a good thing" Interpretation: MEN find women. Women should not
be out trying to find a man! HOWEVER, once found, the woman can then
choose to be with the man or to wait to be found by a different man.

Proverbs 20:6 states, Who can find a faithful man? The fact that the
question is asked is indicative of the fact that there are not many
faithful men out there. However, there is good news. The good news is
that JESUS knows where the faithful men are! (AMEN!!!!) Webster's New
Collegiate Dictionary offers several excellent definitions of the word

(a) Steadfast in affection or allegiance
(b) Loyal
(c) Firm in adherence to promises or in observance of duty
(d) Conscientious

The scriptures say that a faithful man is difficult to find. God is
saying that it is hard to find a man (woman) with the qualities in
letters a, b, c, and d. However, wouldn't you love to have a man
(woman)with the qualities listed above? They are rare. But GOD knows where
such men (women) are located.

Turn in your Bible to Ephesians 5:23. Scripture states, for the
husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is
the Savior of the body.

Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives
be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just
as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might
sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word. That
He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or
wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without

STOP! Now go back and re-read that passage. God is offering us a
blueprint on what to look for in a mate. Let's pick that scripture

1. The husband is head of the wife. That means that you need to choose
a man who is born-again. He also needs to be a man under whose authority
you will feel comfortable submitting. It is dangerous to submit to the
authority of a man who is not saved or who does not have a
with God.

2. The husband must love his wife as Christ loves the Church. That is
a tough one! Look at the degree to which God loves His Church! He died
for the Church (the entire body of Christ). How does God love us? He is
kind, patient and nurturing to the Church. Those are the qualities you
need to search for when determining who to marry.

3. The husband must sanctify, cleanse and wash his wife with the Word
of God. Again, only a born-again man can wash you with the Word of God.
Think about the dating ritual. Boy meets girl, they date, start to
care deeply, and the subject of sex pops up.

Question: HOW will the man handle it? God says that it is the
responsibility of the man to see to it that he presents a woman clean
and holy. If he is fornicating with her, how can he present her as
clean and holy? Sex outside the marriage bond is dirty. Therefore, if you
find yourself with a man trying to fornicate with you, you have the wrong

God says that He presents the Church (His Bride!) without spot,
wrinkle or blemish. Your future husband must present you at the altar without
spot, wrinkle or blemish. This is important. Please listen so that you
don't end up miserable.

In Ephesians, 5:31 the scripture states that, For this reason a man
shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the
two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak
concerning Christ and the church... God hates divorce. However, He also hates
abuse. God does not want you physically or mentally abused. He
certainly does not want you disrespected by a man (woman) committing adultery
against you.

Too many women (men) in this country, in their quest for a mate are
settling with people who are not worthy of them. The reason so many
people are in unhappy marriages is that they latched onto the wrong
person to please society, family or friends. Now they are stuck with a
mean, unaffectionate, or abusive mate. It is not too late for you. If
you pick the right mate from the beginning, you will not end up hurt
and miserable (divorced).

Listen carefully, GOD says that when you marry, you become ONE with
that person. God no longer sees you as separate, but He sees you and your
mate as ONE person. We cannot fully comprehend it because God says!
it's a great mystery! Think about your boy/girlfriend. Do you see yourself
becoming ONE with them? If you have problems after marriage it's
because something was broken before marriage (that was obviously ignored). If
you do not have a boy/girlfriend yet, GREAT! Now you know what to
look for! Too many people are getting married multiple times. God is not
pleased with that. He sees it as adultery. It is His will that we
marry once, create a family with that one person, and be happy ... ecstatic
in that marriage. The scriptures also states, the man shall leave his

Check out the family of the man that you are considering marrying! Are
they always leaning on him, trying to borrow his money? Are you in
agreement with them always calling him to the house to take care of
their personal problems? Guess what? It will not end after marriage.
If he is giving them money now, he will continue after marriage. If his
family is leaching off of him now! they will after marriage. The
question is, can you handle it? If not, now is the time to discuss the
problem. Don't wait. Too many men refuse to leave their father and
mother. Too many women refuse to leave their parents. Extended
families are famous for breaking up marriages.

NOW is the time to get the problems straight. Finally, how attracted
are you to your future spouse? Please do not marry if there is a shadow of
a doubt that you are totally attracted to them physically. Too many
women lose their husbands because after marriage they stop having sex. The
reason many women stop having sex is because their husbands are cold,
rude and abusive. If you are married to a man who has the
qualifications of the "faithful man" listed above in this article, you will be
attracted to him forever, emotionally and physically! Women who do not
want sex with their husbands are women who married the wrong man.

PLEASE ladies; do not marry the wrong man. Wait. In Solomon 3:4, it is
said, I found him whom my soul loves. The reason she found the one
whom her soul loves is that she was PATIENT! Luke 21:19 says, in your
patience possess ye your soul. The interpretation of that for a single
person is that if you are patient, you will meet the one whom your
soul loves. Regret nothing, not even your failures. Take in the richness
of only today because to carry any more will only weigh you down. Do not
look backwards.

The moment of absolute certainty over decisions made never arrives, so
make your decision and move on. The Lord has promised to help with the
burdens of today Ask Him to grant you the wisdom and confidence in
making your choices and the ability to recognize when new decisions
need to be made. "Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of
small things brought together." - Vincent Van Gogh

Please share this with someone you know so they will not make a big
mistake in their life time decision and regret what they did. Wait on
the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to thine own understanding
but in all thy ways acknowledge him and he will guide and direct thy
path. For what God has put together let no Man (Woman) put asunder.
God bless you all. Know that the worst is over and the best is yet to

What are your thoughts on this?

Views: 164

Replies to This Discussion

I agree. Often times people think they can change someone. Not realizing what they see is who they are and it will only get worst with time.
I so agree with you Sis!
I think many of us women know this...but just CHOOSE to see what is out there...because it is lonely waiting to be CHOSEN!
This is a great read, and so, so, so true. Wish I had read it 13 years ago...LOL All too often we tend to ignore the signs. I say ignore because we see them but we figure "oh it's not that bad" but in the end it is. That is what leads to a lot of failed relationships and marriages. As the saying goes "the flesh is weak" we have to make our minds stronger and stop settling. One needs to know their true self-worth and know what they deserve, and take nothing less. This all will fall into place once one's relationship with God is stregthened.

I have a few friends that I am going to pass this on to.......... Thanks Skins!
Very Interesting! I will have to come back to answer this one need to gather my thoughts.
Yes to what Michele said and I will add that...
yes, what we need to embrace as people before and during our involvement in ALL relationships is , CHANGE is INEVITABLE, it does not matter who you are with, as you grow older you change your mind, you change your clothing, you change the way you walk with a little ( wt gain or loss ) your tastes may change, your desires, likes, dislikes, music, relationships, etc. in time, everything does that, so just realize and know that in maturity that's going to go down, but the question is, can you accept that? Who are we to try and change anyone but ourselves? I'm a leave the rest to GOD.
Wow.. Thks Ms Skins, that is a good reminder.
First I want to start by saying this is a very good read. So I applaud you Ms Skins and T D Jakes.
Although morbid it is a good point, When I laid my parents to rest the person whom I believed to be my soulmate turned out to be a shadowmate. I chosed this woman yet she really did not accept me and on the day when I really needed the support of my so called mate they were not there. It was at that time when I became the analytical person you know we can be and that's when I saw what my real purpose was in her case. So yes we must chose carefully whom we decide to have a relationship with.

Was my creator watching over me? Absolutely, because then I started to realize that the things that mattered to me in a mate was not what the person I chose could or would deliver. I like to have fun just like everyone else but I'm not a wallflower. I believe in respect,honor and support along with unconditional love and feel that's the least I deserve in return. But I almost settled for less not thinking about my true feelings and how it would effect me mentally as well as, physically.

I cannot quote scriptures but, I do know right from wrong and what makes my heart beat. I've only been married once and I was young when I did and my last relationship lasted for ten years but I did not feel this was a good fit for me and as it turned out I was correct. But my creator guided me this time and showed me the signs that she was not a true soulmate. So I agree with alot of the scriptures posted and feel you must reach deep inside and decide if the person you chose is going to be the right choice for you.

I'm getting up in age now but feel my creator will guide me as I seek my soulmate and will shine the light on them when the time is right. So do not be in a hurry to settle with someone just because you feel as if you will be alone. Lust and Love are two very different feelings and one must be able to distinguish between the two so as not to be fooled. The Heart is a precious organ and deserves to be treated very carefully.

Thanks again Ms Skins for a very thought provoking topic but I'm going to cut it short cause a Bro can go on and on with this. But I will say I'm confident my soulmate is out there I just haven't tripped over her as of yet. But as someone once said "Keep Hope Alive" and stay on the straight and narrow path and your mate will appear.

Ok Ok I'll stop now........Peace and Blessings to All and May the Creator Grant you All that you Seek..
Deep...I love this...
So deep so true! gives me something to ponder!



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