Every year around this time, these are the things that bring out my inner Grinch:
- Them hollerin' screamin kids in the store! - leave them belly-achin', whinin' rugrats home!!!
- People trippin' and clowinin' on sales clerks - them poor folks have to endure all kinds of foolishness!
- Ugly ass Christmas sweaters - some of them things are hideous. I saw one yesterday with blinkin' lights!!!
- Folks walkin' 'round the office with a jingle bell on - all that janglin' gets on my nerves and makes me wanna throw a rubber mouse at 'em!! One good thing though ... my boss wears one and I can hear her comin' a mile away ... I can hide this window on my laptop at work!! LOL!!
- Gettin' a dumb ass gift in an office gift exchange - c'mon ... are you THAT gift-giving challenged that you couldn't get me a gift card to somewhere ... ANYWHERE ... instead of this dumb-ass santa claus tie!!!???
- Fruitcake - some'a them things could double as a spare tire for my car!! I could'a swore somebody else got that exact same fruitcake as a gift last year!!
- Xmas yard displays that have Santa and his reindeer flying over the baby Jesus' manger and Santa's elves and a snowman standing next to the Three Wise Men - PICK ONE THEME AND STICK WITH THAT ONE!! BTW ain't nobody down here in Florida walkin' 'round in shorts and sandals ...within 100 miles of a beach and an average daily winter temperature 74-75 degrees got any business having snow of any sort in their Xmas yard displays!!
- Black folks in the South singin' Jingle Bells - C'mon now!! Most'a y'all ain't never been nowhere near that much snow, much less been on a sleigh ride!!
- Weak-a$$ egg-nog!!! Hey, brotha is already a lil' lactose intolerant. Only enough liqour in the egg-nog will keep me burpin' instead of blastin'!!
- Gettin' sick from something you ate at the office Xmas potluck! When will I learn everything that looks good and tastes good AIN'T GOOD???!!!
- Folks that sound like stars of the American-Idol freaks-and-fools rejects segment trying to sing Xmas carols! How many more ways can you butcher "Silent Night"???
- Nat King Cole's "The Xmas Song"!! Yeah, I know that's a timeless classic, but brotha sounds so white-bread WHITE, it just drives me up the wall!! And what da' hell is all them damn chestnuts he's singin 'bout??? I've seen walnuts, peanuts, cashew nuts, brazil nuts ... I ain't NEVAH seen a chestnut!!
- Playing Country-Western versions of Xmas carols for the whole office to hear!!! AUUUUGH!!! I swear if they don't turn that mess down with all them twangin' banjos and screechin' fiddles ... I'm gonna be the lead story on the evening news today: Office Worker Goes Berserk & Shoves CD Player Up Co-Worker's Nose!! Live Coverage At 6!!!!
OK MHW, Y'all add some!!