THE BLACK MAN: They Keep African American women single and lonely?

First off this is not a man bashing post, though some may see it that way but then who really cares.

I am just really exhausted with all the excuse and topics about why black women are single and lonely. The last one about the church just made me think and everyone knows I am no fan of the church.

But let's be real, the reason black women turn to Jesus as their "spiritual" man is because they don't have a man. It is not the other way around.

We all know that putting Jesus and the church first helps them to do something they simple must do anyway, continue to exist and progress as a successful and productive human being despite that fact that they don't have a man.

But every time I see a thread, about why black women are single and lonely, black men are happy to jump on the bandwagon for each and every reason that lays the blame at the feet of women.

But let's look at the latest one, the black church. Why is this a problem? Since damn near 90 percent of black Americans categorize themselves as Christian:

Why would a black women being dedicated to her faith be a problem for all these black male Christians?


Seems to me it should create a situation where majority of the are married! JMHO.

I think we need to just face the facts, the reason most black women are single, is that black men as a whole are not as into committed relationships or marriage as other races. 

The reason black women are lonely, is because they put all their self worth and self identity into whether or not they have a man in their bed or on their side. And this is why in the place of the black men they can't get to commit they put a man who is totally dedicated to them(in their belief) and that man is Jesus.

This crisis that we feel is happening is simply the product of two opposite views being merged together.

black men as a whole are not being into committed relationships or marriage + black women putting all their self worth and self identity into whether or not they have a man in their bed or on their side = CHAOS

Somebody has to change their side in order for this to move forward and women, sistas are starting to do that.

Now the problem seems to be that the same men, who aren't into committed relationships or marriage, also have a problem with women not making them a priority in theirs lives and expressing that they can exist and be happy without them or without them as a main factor.

C'mon Sons! You can not have it both ways.

JMO!

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I was kind of with you on everything except these two generalizations-
I think we need to just face the facts, the reason most black women are single, is that black men as a whole are not as into committed relationships or marriage as other races.

The reason black women are lonely, is because they put all their self worth and self identity into whether or not they have a man in their bed or on their side.


-which further do the same thing the other posts have done which is place blame, generalize, partially explain a wide variety of issues, peoples and instances thus making this only another personal vision and part of the problem.
The reason I have not really tried to get into discussions like these is because you can't explain everyones story or views with one or two explanations.
I see a lot of people not men or women who are just happy clubbing and having fun until they get old or the life gets old for whatever they are doing or trying to accomplish and then they get stuck in their ways, maybe don't care anymore, more selfish with their goals instead of thinking on the mind frame of family or many other explanations.

I like your post and it can explain some people but black men as a whole being less marriage minded is not fact found and the part about women in church who are putting their man second behind Christ is partially true about maybe a few women. The only way that would be a problem would depend on how much, the person and the situation. This is part of my opinion and what I see others may not see what I see either so the reason why black women are single and lonely varies is the only real truth. There are some lonely single men too although women out number men.

Nice post however!
Thanks for your response.

As I said I didn't present any definite facts, these are my opinions and of course opinions are always arguable. So I welcome your view points

Thanks again.
The reason why they are a lot of single black women is because they are more black women then they are black men. For the most part it has nothing to do with black men are no good so black women has to go to _________________.

Single or not its good to be in touch with god or a popular religious figure of your faith. To me the are two different things. You may pray for a good man but to say I'm into God because you are single is a bit of a stretch.
For the most part it has nothing to do with black men are no good

This post doesn't anywhere in it say anything about black men being no good. NO where in this entire post!
*
Stop worrying about black men. We need to look beyond just black men and see that our choosing is greater than black men. I am married to an African man. He is not American. Our African American men are scalded by the past, upbringing, environment, etc. Sometimes, our black (American) men are our kryptonite (maybe misspelled). I love our black American men and I pray that one day they will wake up but until then we, women, have been fortunate not to let our hearts be tainted by the past. Let us continue to pray for them but it is time for us to look out for ourselves and see that we deserve the best and that best may come from another ethnic group.
Stop worrying about black men.

I personally am not worried about men period.

Our African American men are scalded by the past, upbringing, environment, etc.

Maybe they are or maybe they just don't want to get married and deal with the responsibility that comes with it. That is a choice that as a human they are able to make and it doesn't make them bad people.

Maybe black people were just ahead of the curve because it seems the rest of the country is catching up with us on this non marriage thing.
Have you seen the video I post? Asian men and Black women. We are beautiful and until we realize that we will always have conversations of Black men. These are very tired discussions because black men don't love themselves. How can these black men love someone else when they truly don't love themselves? It all goes back to upbringing. Most black men are intimidated by committment and if you ever have a group discussion with men you will find that out. Most black men have not seen a positive relationship or marriage. For example, let's say there are two paths. One path is seems horrible or hard, would you go down it? No! The other seems easy. Many will always choose the easy path. Most black men have not seen positive relationships in their life. The ones who have are trying to get committed to women who have come from a hard/bad upbringing. Therefore, they eventually get tired of the bad relationships and go to other races (ethnic groups). They, black men, throw us in the same category with the bad women.

Relationships are never meant to be easy. Companionship is a work of itself. Compassion is the result of shared love. True compassion is learned in relationship/fellowship. If someone says I have compassion but lives along, he/she only has 10% comprehension of compassion. Compassion is more than having sympathy but it is a deep overwhelming desire to improve that person's well-being. My love for people intensified as I learned to love within my home. Compassion for children grows as you work towards the well-being of your own. I didn't get married until I was 30. I used my single life to work in the ministry and I thought I knew compassion. I understood it on a single level and my compassion was limited.

True love is an action not a word. Being single is good for a time and it is good place to be if there are things in you that God need to prune from your life but to continue in that manner would lead to sin and selfishness. I always use to joke and say if I become rich what good is it to have all that money and not have anyone to share it with. The whole concept of love, sharing, communion, companionship is the embodiment of God.

I agree with one comment! Women need to concentrate of Jesus. How many women actually concentrate on Jesus? So many people go to church and they don't know anything about God, Jesus, and his Spirit. First, Love thy God - get to know who he is. Second, love thy neighbor as thyself. Once you begin to learn who God is, he will begin to show you who you are in him and show the love that he has endowed in your life. This love will begin to radiate to other including relationships. This is hard to find in a black man but when we depend on God and have relationship with God, he will put you in the path of the person that is best for you. The love I am talking about is not the action of the man but the action of you (women). Men are reactive creature not proactive like women. They respond to how we treat them. Lastly, no matter how well you treat some men it will steam back to their upbringing.

Be Bless!!!
These are very tired discussions because black men don't love themselves

I'm sure you meant to say SOME black men don't love themselves right?

Don't get it twisted...
Just making a remark to the discussion started. You're right - some black men. My parents have been together for 39 years, my brother has been married for 10 years, and my other brother for 8 years. There are good black men but I am speaking according to discussion. Do we give this kind of attention when they speak bad of black women? On the radio they make us sound like old maids that push black men away. It is black women pushing black men into the arms of white women. Some black women do make us look bad but not all black women are bad but no one ever gets on the radio and defend us. I'm not mad because I am very open when it comes to different cultures and ethnic groups. I think we should be more open and diverse when it comes to love.
Be Bless
I blame the white man.
Me too Mac might as well......lol

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